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Discussion Starter #1
Surprisingly I was doing just fine until I started this post. I'm already crying.

Its time for Tristan to go to a new home. Skylar has been at my mom's for a while now, but she's not eating well at all. Mostly I think she's holding out for the good stuff because she knows my mom will give in and feed her a handful of Greenies, a bowl of tuna, etc. With that, she's not getting medication either. And she can't stay... mom is already having more trouble breathing since she's been there. I knew she'd have to come home soon but was hoping it wouldn't be SO soon.

He's been fine. But the more I think about it the more I realize they would have to be apart 24/7 for a VERY long time, and I really don't know that they would ever be able to live together. It was exhausting for the short period I was doing it... I can't see it getting better long term.

I kept thinking I had made up my mind, then he'd snuggle up to the dogs and I'd cry. Or I'd watch him and Logan play and I'd cry. I feel like he's so attached to everyone that I'd break his heart if he left. But its for the best.

I just sent an email to the girl who said she'd try him. I did outline his issues with peeing on things (had him at work today and he might have the slightest UTI starting so he'll be on meds and I really hope in another house he'd do better with a fresh start but told her I completely understood if she didn't want to take a cat who is known to pee on things). Also mentioned his food obsession and that he's not the type that I think would ever do well with free feeding. Waiting to hear back. And if she's not wanting to try, asked if she could help find a home that would want to as she works in rescue.

I've still gone back and forth several times since I sent the email. But I have to stop making excuses. I know he's happy here now but he won't be once she comes back. And I can't justify how much he loves the others because I know he can be just as in love with new siblings somewhere else. Its just his nature to be a lover :(

I really, really, REALLY hope this is the right decision. Its the hardest one I've ever had to make.
 

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I know how bad it hurts, but it's the best for everyone. And Skylar belong with you.

Cats are much more resilient than we give them credit for. We're the ones who hurt for a long time. :patback
 

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You're not breaking his heart by rehoming him...although no doubt your heart is breaking. He'll be happier in the long run, as will Skylar and your other cats. It's a problem for which there is no easy solution, but having followed your past threads, I think this is the best solution. :patback
 

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It does comfort me to have followed your story and know that at least one person knows exactly how I feel. And to see that it worked out well for you gives me hope.

The cats were bugging me tonight... had a really long weekend at work and was not in the mood to listen to them banging around in the sink I've chased them out of a dozen times already so I shut my bedroom door...

then I realized that this may possibly be the last night I spend with him. Part of me really wants him to sleep with me... the other part of me feels so incredibly guilty that I can't stand the thought of breaking the news to him.
 

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Be strong. The hardest part is yet to come. And that's how you deal with that last picture -- that picture that burns into your brain at the moment of departure. My advice is to not look. But then you wish you had. But then you wish you hadn't. If I had to do it again, I'd probably look again, too. But the picture of those eyes.........

In a way, it's comforting to know they forget fairly rapidly. Two years later I still remember the look in those eyes when I left him at the no-kill shelter. When I went to visit him two weeks later, it seemed he had already forgotten me.

Sigh. Sometimes it's a curse to be human.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
She's going to take him. She doesn't mind issues - she's got them with hers already. She works in rescue, she's got cats and dogs (and a hedgehog apparently!) and doesn't mind a challenge. She has two young children who will love him, she says.

Now the moment I'm waiting for is the "when?" in all of this. I work with her boyfriend. She said I can bring Tristan to work any time and she's sure he can bring him to her. Or she can pick him up one day. I didn't want to rush it, but I told her I did have to pick a stray dog up at work this afternoon to drop off at the shelter she works at and since I was going to be there anyway could bring him along. Mostly to see if she just wanted to meet him and see how she still feels about it, but also because I think the longer I wait, the more time I have to change my mind. Waiting for her response :(
 

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Discussion Starter #8
This is all going too fast! He's leaving today. In just minutes I'm headed out the door :( Have been crying all morning about it. I haven't even had the chance to talk to my mom about all of it - she didn't answer when I called a few minutes ago. I was planning on going over for dinner anyway, but now I will be going over and coming back with Skylar.

Looks like its just the girls again. Maybe we're just a "noy boys allowed" kind of family? I hope Logan isn't too lonely without him around to buddy up to.

I CAN NOT do this again. I am going to have to constantly remind myself that new additions are not going to do well in my house. Can not look at kittens that come into work as strays. Can not wonder if Logan will want a buddy to play with. Even if its female. Skylar's happiness is going at the top of the list. I owe it to her after all of this to leave the household as is.
 

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With Skylar gone, you've realized what a relief it is to have a hormonious and peaceful home again without the fighting. I'm sure Tristan will fit in with his new owner as he seems pretty laid back. I know you feel very sad to see him go. Take a deep breath and remember "this too will pass", and when you get Skylar back home I'm sure you'll realize you made the right decision. If you still miss Tristan after a week or so, keep in touch with the new owner and surely you can visit him to see how he's doing. I used to do that when I had to rehome one of my stud cats. Even up to a year later, one of my boys still remembered me and got in my lap and purred (he didn't do that with everyone who came to visit), and then he went off to play with his Sheltie dog friend. He was happy and I was happy to see him like that.
 

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Jessie,

This morning while I was getting ready for work, my girls were chasing each other through the house - EVEN CLEO!!!! - confirming once again that I made the right decision. It will be hard at first, and you'll question your decision, but then you'll have moments like these that will help you through this.
 

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You're all going to think I'm crazy.

The level of regret and guilt has built inside of me all day, and is about to overflow. I honestly think I made the wrong decision. Not necessarily in finding him a new home, but in the home that I found. I never really talked to her about anything until I dropped him off. I have several concerns: She's never home - works two jobs and has a fairly active social life. Sure, he will have companions but if he ends up not bonding to them he will be alone almost all the time. She only feeds dry food, and she only uses automatic feeders. He will eat himself sick and/or obese in no time. She has several cats (for some reason I thought just one) and at least two dogs. One of the dogs apparently likes to chase and bite at the cats, so they "mostly leave her alone." When I mentioned that Tristan sleeps with my dogs constantly, she didn't seem as if that was going to happen.

He deserves more than I think she can provide him.

To be honest, I know I'm being selfish here but I do think I want him back. I feel like I rushed into deciding to give him up and I really wasn't ready. My original plan was to keep them apart, keep them on medication and do a very slow re-introduction. But I was so afraid of failing again that I didn't want to try. Now I can't help but think that I'll never forgive myself if I don't at least try.

I'm calling for quotes on someone coming to put a door to the basement. Its the easiest way to keep them apart. Carson and Skylar on one leve, Tristan and Logan on the other. I originally worried that the pair in the basement would be lacking in attention/affection. But I start to look at so many other pets around me. All of my neighbors have strictly outdoor pets. They get fed, and that's pretty much it. Even some of my coworkers have pets who are kept confined to crates or a room in their house for most of their lives. My pets are in my house and have interaction with me so much more than that. So for a few months, I can live with the fact that they may not get to nap on my lap or sleep with me... they are warm and safe inside, they have fresh food twice a day and will still get attention on a daily basis.

I still intend to keep thinking and to sleep on all of this before I contact the girl who took Tristan. But I'm pretty sure I will ask her to keep him until I get the door up then take him back. If all of my efforst do indeed prove useless and the cats really can't live together in several months I will start the search for the perfect home for Tristan.
 

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Is she going to really give Tristan back though?

Yes, perhaps a door is the way to go. My dad built one for Cap'n Jack and it helped a lot. And I also feel the same way too. At least they are in a safe place with food, shelter and attention. You are a very kind person, Jessie.
 

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I don't think you're crazy at all. I suspect if you dropped him off and found that it would be a wonderful new home for him, you'd feel a lot differently than you do given all the issues you found when you got there.
 

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This is my point of view after fostering over a 100 cats/ kittens. Making a cat live in a basement isnt a quality of life. To find a person who will take a cat and integrate it with her animals is an open door. Esp if she will let you see her home and keep up with you about him. Let him leave with the rule that if it doesnt work out at her home he is to be returned to you. No question or condemnation.

Cats are social creature. They like the companionship of people and other animals. Living in a basement isnt going to provide a life where he will get this.

We rescued two brothers as kittens while TNRing. They for some reason never got adopted. The person fostering them had problems with them peeing in her house. She had way to many other cats, and they didnt feel comfortable so they peed to show their stress. We kept saying give them a chance to try another home with less cats. She wouldnt do it.


Fast forward after two years of peeing all over the house and big cat fights with her other fosters. The foster person decided to let one be an indoor outdoor cat. We were all against it. The cat wasnt savvy to the coyotes, hawks, cars, etc. She did it anyway. The cat disappear after two weeks. I know he is dead.

The remaining brother she finally decided to put with a friend who took him home. The remaining brother is happy, not peeing in her home (been there 3 months) and snuggles with her every night.

We all wished we had been listened to earlier so the brother didnt have to die just because this persosn didnt want to give up ownership and fostering ownership of the cats. It was selfish of her and we all knew it.

Your cat deserve a chance in a home with someone to be with and other cats and dogs since it is a social cat. Living in a basement is no quality of life. The most unselfish thing you can do is to rehome a pet who isnt working out with your existing animals. Yes it breaks your heart when they leave but you keep in touch. That shows you care and will take him back if it doesnt work out to rehome him till you find the perfect home for him.

I say this all in love. I say this from experience of mine and friends with diffacult situations. I know it hurt you, but you arent failing him. You are putting him first and what would bring him the best qaulity of life. That is another home.
 

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Well I think it depends on "the basement". When I was into breeding I had 2 rooms for the cats. Our house was a side split, so the basement level was actually ground level, with large windows that faced south and west, so the sun shone in as well. One of the rooms was actually our family room where the kids played. All my girls and 2 neuters were free in the house except the girls went in the family room at night. The stud cat had his own room and separate large caged enclosure, and the girls were free to spend time with him in his room on the cat trees which they did. I walked the stud daily on a leash of our property, tho he didn't like going out in the winter very much. The studs would spray if I let them loose in the rest of the house. They went to shows and most enjoyed the diversion and change of scene.

My last stud I raised from a newborn and after one year (when he started spraying) he spent the next 3 years "downstairs" and was perfectly happy, as were they all. He was already used to being downstairs with the girls at night, so it wasn't that big a transition for him. He enjoyed sitting on the window sills with the windows open for the sun and fresh air, never tried to break the screens. His room also looked out on the driveway and the backyard, so he could see people coming and going. I groomed him every day and spent quality time with him. When I retired him from breeding, he was neutered before he was rehomed. I only ever kept one stud at a time; some I kept for only 1 breeding, the longest for 6 years. None of them ever seemed unhappy or depressed, and all were very healthy and never sick. They all made excellent adjustments to their new owners and homes. So I think it really depends on the environment and care. It might have been different if they never got outside, or didn't get good quality one-on-one time or if it had been a windowless basement with no sun to bask in.
 

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Im a residental contractor. What you are describing is a bi-level house. There are tri-level houses too. what you had was an unfinished out part of your home. The traditional basement is underground with light from window wells. Unless the owner has done a finished out, the basement it is cement and concrete block walls. Non insulated block.

Im trying to express in my previous posting about intereaction and quality of life. Wouldnt it be better for a cat, which is social, to be with a family in a home rather religated to a basement with limited interaction was my point. We want what is the best solution to a diffacult situation she is facing. The unselfish thing is to rehome, like Marie did, her sweet kitty. He has the potential to go live in a home where he doesnt feel he has to mark and it is suited to his needs. That is the ulitmate solution.
 

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Merry, I see what you're saying, but I agree with Ami.

The key here is that Jessie did not get a good feeling about the home she dropped Tristan off at. Tristan would get very little human companionship there, and one of the dogs might chase/bite him, since it's not cat-friendly. The new owner does not have time to feed him the way he needs to be fed due to his food obsession. It's not like Tristan is going to a family who will give him that companionship he needs, so what would be so different about a basement, provided that the basement is a finished and comfortable one?

I agree that generally a cat in a basement is not having a good life, but Jessie is planning on having Logan down there too to keep Tristan company, and presumably Jessie will be spending time down there with both of them. Also, it seems like she's interested in doing this as a temporary solution, until she can find an owner for Tristan who can give him the proper attention.

Now, this can be dangerous--I've heard of former owners and foster parents who refuse to adopt out to everyone who applies...they are convinced that none of them could give as good of a home as they can. Jessie can't be too picky if she wants Tristan to have a new home, because with the peeing issues, there are going to be far less people interested in adopting him.

Like Ami, I'm worried that the new owner might not want to give him back. Sadly, Jessie relinquished her right to him when she handed him over. It's asking a bit much to have her keep him until you get the door installed, IMO...she might say, "look, do you want him, or don't you?" Can you keep him confined in a bathroom TEMPORARILY until the door can be installed? (Assuming you can get him back from the new owner.)

Hope that helps.
 

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If this wasnt the home he should go to cuz she doesnt feel its up to her standards- fine. Beleive me I struggle with this everytime a foster goes out of my home. Ive had to have friends come by and get a reading on people before I could find peace. Ive house check the cats after they have left. I know that internal struggle. I could easily become an adoption nazi. But I try not to.

Just cuz the first person who stepped forward to take Tristan isnt the right place doesnt mean the perfect home for him isnt out there. Give it a chance. I waited a year and half before I let my blind kitty be adopted. Even went out and double check the home.

As I mentioned in my first post. Just because tristan is peeing in her home doesnt mean he will in another home which is better suited to his needs. Ive watched that happen time and time again with our fosters. I had that experience even with my own cat.

Its what is best for the cat and quality of life. I wont beat this drum anymore. Im sure every one is sick of my typing that.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I often forget how people feel when they hear the word "basement" but this is mine:











It is at ground leve with french doors, windows and lots of light. The furniture is a little awkward at the moment as I moved my good TV upstairs and wasn't using it much, so I pushed it all aside to give the dogs room to run and play. It isn't a cold, dark room he will be "banished" to. And honestly, Carson and Skylar spend most of their time down there anyway, so they will most likely be the ones who stay down there most of the time. I will switch out who is where. And yes, I do spend time down there so its not like they would get no interaction.

I'm really hoping giving Skylar some more time on medication (she wasn't getting it at all at mom's house so we're basically starting over again) or even trying a different medication may help the relations in the house. I still haven't sent an email to the girl who has him now. I don't think its going to be a problem to have him come back. She mostly took him as companship to another kitten at home but has lots of cats/dogs in and out of her house often as she works in rescue. Its not like she has any shortage of cats to choose from. She wasn't even looking to add to her home, just doing it as a favor to me.

Until I get a door up, I did have a temporary solution of gates that blocked it off. Or closing someone into my bedroom or the extra room. So its not like there aren't any options for me at the moment. I'm just trying to sort through my thoughts some more.
 
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