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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay...first let me say I am filled with hurt and anger as I type this so things may come out the way they werent meant to be.

I am suppose to get my friends female fixed in a couple weeks. I am okay with that. He has made me feel so useless and hurt that I dont even know if I wish to get his cat fixed anymore.

Basically long story short I have been friends with this guy for 2 years. I have helped him with his dogs in numerous ways, gotton his other cat spayed for him. We meet up every single week. Last year he had a pig roast. He never bothered to invite me but invited all his other friends. I asked him why and he said he didnt think I would go. I told him it doesnt matter if I wouldnt go its the thought that counts, the fact that you asked me shows me you care and want me as a friend to be around you. Who knows I may go. (I dont like how his brother treats his dog as a living breathing uterus and thats where this will be held) so he didnt think I would go.

Come to find out this week hes having another and never bothered to invite me for the same reason. He forgot and didnt think I would want to go when he remembered. I am at the point where I am so hurt, upset and peeved off by this. Am I only good for the benefit part or something? I have done sooooo much for him and he cant even ask me to come to a gathering but can ask all his other friends.

My whole point is I have his cat here to get spayed. I am at the point where I dont even want to anymore. I just want to tell him to get his own darn cat spayed. I never received and thank you for the last cat and I doubt I will this cat.

But would that be selfish of me to not get the cat spayed because I am extremely upset with him?
 

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Have you confronted his brother/argued/lectured his brother on his attitude towards his dog?

Also, why ARE you paying for his pets to be fixed? Can he not afford it? If so then he shouldn't have them in the first place.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I never said anything rude to his brother ever. But I think he knows I dont like how he treats it based on how he saw me treat mine (he lives inside, gets vet care and is fixed).

He has given me the money to get her spayed. But I have to take her there which is 20 minutes one way (have the make 4 trips) etc.

I dont know if I really want to now...I am really hurt by this. Makes me feel like I am only good for one thing...the benefit part...sigh
 

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I understand your hurt and frustration. It sounds like the friendship is completely one sided. You do things for him and put effort into the friendship, but he's not returning the favor.

I think you should go ahead and get the cat spayed. Put yourself in the mindset that by spaying her, you're helping this cat who, without you, probably wouldn't ever get spayed. If you weren't in the picture, this poor cat could get pregnant or any of the other bad things that can happen to cats that aren't fixed. Instead of not spaying her to spite him, take pity on the poor cat who's idiot owner won't be a responsible pet owner. After the cat is spayed and back home, then you can be done with him and go on with your life. You don't need friends like that. Do it for the cat, not him.
 

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i could see him thinking you wouldnt go to a pig roast. i couldnt as id be far too emotionally and mentally disturbed by watching the pig.... i just couldnt be there, not dont want to. so in that way, i cant balme your friend. i wouldnt blame my friends either if they thought that about me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I feed my pets raw so seeing this wouldnt bother me. He said he didnt ask because he didnt think I would want to be around his brother. But thats not the point, he should of asked because then at least I would feel like he wanted me around which I totally dont feel right now. When I calm down in the morning and depending how our convo goes tm I may change my mind but I dont know at this point. He hurt me especially when I told him the one he had last year I wouldnt mind going..
 

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There are plenty of people that I am friends with that i wouldn't invite to an event where OTHER friends were present because I didn't think they'd get along and I wanted to make sure fun was had with no drama. This would be especially true if my family is involved.

You asked him and he told you why, so either you don't believe him or you think his reason isn't good enough. Either way you aren't going to get an answer on here, you need to talk to him about the real reason (if you think he's lying) or why he felt you wouldn't want to attend when you told him last year that you would.

Being overly sensitive or dramatic is just going to make it harder to talk to him and if he's lying keep him from telling the truth so you'll need to keep calm and not accuse, argue or fight with him about it. Just calmly ask him if it's the truth and why he feels the way he does.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
So, is this just a friend, or wanting to be more?
I didnt really wish to bring it up because I know some people dont like it. But hes a friend with benefits. We are both clean and its only each other (not everyone else involved). I am just not ready to enter a relationship.

This is part of why im upset, I feel the only thing im good for is...well..you know.
 

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Again, I understand. Been there, done that. Sorry :(. No guy should make you feel like all your good for is... the benefits, because that's not true! I wish I had advice to give, but my friends with benefits situation ended disastrously.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I dont see how a friendship like that can end disasterously besides getting pregnant. Which I am on two contraception methods..
 

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It can end disastrously because there's no communication between the two of you. The relationship is based on assumptions (not saying that yours is). I think that after you have his cat spayed, then you two need to sit down and define what exactly what you two want out of this. You said that you're not ready for a relationship and that may be true...to an extent. The fact that you're hurt over his treatment of you tells me that you have more feelings for him than you realize. And he may only want you for that *one* thing. I think, for the sake of your sanity, you need to break things off with him completely. You are worth so much more than what he's giving you.
 

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Maybe I am overly suspicious, but I picked up on the friends with benefits thing from when you first posted. What you weren't writing...spoke volumes.

Having said that, been there, done that, too. These arrangements usually never end well because one person always expects more and the other is not willing to give more. Basically, where you are now.

When I was younger this was cute. I had not come into my own and was willing to put up with a lot more BS because I didn't wholeheartedly believe I deserved better. It gets old real fast, trust me. If it's one sided already, honey. It's time to move on....seriously.

Regarding the cat, you can take the high road, but as much as I love animals, I would let him take responsibility for his own pets and stop enabling him to treat you this way. If not, to be perfectly frank, you have no reason to complain.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Maybe I was over reacting about this pork roast thingy? Maybe I was making a big deal over something thats not. I think I am going to stop the benefits part of it and see if he sticks around. If he does then hes a friend first.

This cat will never get fixed if I dont. Maybe I should try talking to him tomorrow and see? I dunno.

How did you know from my first post he had benefits? I didnt want to say it first because I didnt want to be called a...Sl..you can finish the last two letters because it would be removed off here lol
 

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Guess what? You're a FWB, so he gets to sleep with you and then ignore you socially. He gets to sleep with you and then treat you like crap.

Anyone who's a FWB deserves all the bad stuff that comes down with it. You know what it is when you start. I think it's a lack of self-respect. And it never ends well. Usually for the woman.

Sorry, tired of hearing people complain after I've warned them. No one ever listens, and then I get to hear all about the tragic aftermath.

Don't take this out on the cat.
 

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Just my 2 cents as a guy, but honestly if I was in your position, I would help him with this cat, and then be done with him. He doesn't sound like a very caring person as far as feelings go towards others. The other thing that scares me is that I hate the thought of someone that owns animals, but seems to be such a hurtful person emotionally.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
We do other things other then that tho. We fish, hike, go to dog shows, swim with the dogs. We also dont do the benefit park every week either. He told me in a previous text earlier tonight that he didnt think he had to ask me when he knew I wouldnt want to go anyway. Maybe I am over reacting.

We can only meet once a week because he does live an hour away so its hard to do other things as we can only meet Fridays/Saturdays.

If he shows up tm (I got a little mouthy with him via text) I am going to try talking to him. There will be no more benefits. I wanna see if he sticks around.
 
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