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We fought for close to a year but the last week my boy Dizzy has taken a turn for the worse. After dealing with Hyperthyroidism he is succumbing to a form of liver disease, Cholangiohepatitis. The vomiting has made him so weak and now he will not eat solids. His gait is unsteady and he has a hunched back. His eyes are listless. Because he knows how sick he is he won't sleep next to me because he doesn't want to vomit on the bed. He just lays by the water bowl. I won't put him on a feeding tube and IV because I don't have the means financially and it is just prolonging the disease's progression. As it is Saturday and the vet closes at noon I called and told them I will be in by 11:30. Hopefully the office will be cleared and we can go right in, that's the plan anyway.

He has taught me SO MUCH. I had a tough upbringing and after many years of pushing people away for fear of being hurt he came into my life and showed me not only how to love but how to ACCEPT love. He has also taught me the true meaning of commitment, especially in the last year. I want to be selfish and 'hope against hope' that he will rally once again but I know that isn't in his best interest. I would have to travel 45 minutes and spend money I don't have if he suddenly went way downhill on Sunday. I will be pre-emptive based on what others have wrote. I believe, even though it hurts like and I'm crying as I write this that I would rather be a day early than a day late. I have to love him that much. This has to be all about easing his obvious misery. He's giving me 'that look' and asking me to help him. This is the best I can do.

I want to thank everyone for sharing their experiences on these boards, it gives me the strength and hope I am doing the right thing. We had a great run, me and my boy. Almost 14 years but I always wanted it to be Forever & A Day. He's taking a piece of my heart with him so when we meet at the Bridge he can put it back. This is, without a doubt the worst day of my life and that is saying a lot...but if the choice is working through this or never having the joy of being owned by him I will take this gladly.
 

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I am so sorry to read this, DizzysDad :sad::patback
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thank you. The people at the vet's did an outstanding job. They had FOUR euthanizations today and I asked to be last. My boy fell asleep in my arms and went peacefully.

Now begins the grief process. My only consolation is knowing I didn't wait too long.

It's a lonely room where I am now.
 

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I am so sorry DizzysDad. :( I have not had to make this decision with two previous kitties, but it's clear you made the right choice at the right time. I hope you never second-guess yourself about either. It had everything to do about the quality of his life.

He has shaped the person you have become and will always be a part of who you are in the future. Sendings many hugs and much sympathy.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
You're so right about that spirite. His friendship and trust in me made me a better person.

And now I know he'll be there for me when my time comes. And then we get Forever & A Day.
 

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What a beautiful boy! Yes, so very hard to make that final decision, but I agree that you did it at the right time....and he told you he had had enough of this life. The grieving part is tough that's for sure and leaves a hole in your heart, but hope you will again give another kitty a chance for a welcoming home who wants to be yours.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thanks ami

I'll be owned again some day. Until then I plan on volunteering my time at the local shelter to honor him and also so I can have animals in my life.
 

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I am so sorry for your loss. Dizzy was such a beautiful boy. You made the hardest decision, at the right time, and you kept him from suffering. He will always be with you.
Hugs to you.

Judy
 

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People who know me here know that I want an orange boy some day so badly, so this makes me especially sad. But you did the same thing I did, I refused to force feed my Cinderella, because it would just be prolonging the inevitable for me. Her passing was also peaceful, but still heartbreaking. I'd like to think that Cinderella is showing Dizzy around (and possibly flirting with him a bit).
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Diz was a shy boy so she definitely is making the 'first move' Marie.

I never cried more than I have the past 2 days. But what's beginning to happen is my thoughts aren't of that last trip to the vet or even of the last few months but more of the things about him that made me laugh and love him so much over the years. When I was getting ready for bed last night I remembered a game we would play to tire him out before going to sleep, chasing a pillow case around the mattress. He would FLY around jumping to catch the pillowcase! And how I would tickle him and he would make that frustrated meow when I used both hands, like "no fair!" How he would knead my neck before he fell asleep next to my head. How in the morning I would put his food down, go shower and he would wait for me to return to show me he's eating.

You're right Judy, he always will be with me. I know he's happy where he is now because he is whole again and he has a bit of my heart and a bunch of pals to keep him company.

And I'm sure the little sneak will drop me a line from time to time!

Thanks to all of you for helping me through this.
 

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Hard day, hard time. Much sympathy. Yes, it can be a lonely road, many people do not understand the bond and the grief. You did well.
 

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dizzy's dad, I am crying both tears of sadness as well as joy for you because you and Dizzy had such a wonderful life together and you shared such a deep deep bond. I understand when you say "but if the choice is working through this or never having the joy of being owned by him I will take this gladly." I must admit that for 4 decades I led a pretty stoic life until cats and my sweet Angel came into my life. I never believed in the old saying, "Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all." But after my first cat died, I completely changed. Now I understand my life is not complete unless I am helping or have a kitty with me at home. As you volunteer, you may want to consider fostering cats (it's what I am doing now), not only to comfort yourself, but also to help those who just desperately want and need some love. And you have so much to give of that after learning so much from Dizzy. Sending you lots of love myself. I know Dizzy is watching over you and will let you know when he has chosen the special cat that he feels will bring you happiness again and keep the love going until you meet again.
XOXO
 
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