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Discussion Starter #1
I can absolutly scream with aggravation .....

Sandy and Garth :evil:

Neither of these two are very tidy and their room looks like a pigsty , they dont bath themselves or Hailey daily and Hailey isnt in a routine and neither are they trying to get her into one .....

Sunday night , after me battling to get wind out of her ( the parents dont worry to much) Garth takes her to change her .... as usual she is plunked on a pile of clothing ... I hear Garth scream ... them Sandy screams .... I go and see whats going on ..... Hornets have invaded their room ... I tell them both to shut up .... grab hailey to see if she has been stung .....

She was , but thank goodness only on her hand .... I leave hubs to sort out the screamers , and see to Hailey.
:evil:

Of course by now I have had enough .. and decide to interfere .... under my roof one will be tidy and one WILL bath their baby every night and WILL get said baby into a routine .. I WILL not have an unruly toddler running aroung at 9pm at night .....

I get home form work at 4pm .. I quickly get supper on ...and then play with Hailey , to get wind up ..( she is now 3 mnth) .....

Last night she is very smelly from sour milk . and by the time I have finished tickling her and playing with her she is windless but is damp and and smellier from sour milk .

Hubs and I call them both for a chat ..... the importance of routine , the gentle winding down for bedtime , bathing yada yada yada ....

I have been completly ignored .................she was put to bed in a damp smelly baby gro .....

What the devil do I do ????????
 

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Oh dear, sounds like quite a mess :( Poor Carol! I don't know how much advice I can give, but the bottom line as I see it is that they're living in your house! They're adults and certainly have adult responsibilities, but if they're choosing to live with you, they should theoretically have to live by your standards. It sounds like you're doing your best to help Hailey get into a good routine. It sounds like some more talking-to's are in order and I hope you can get it all sorted out! Good luck :)
 

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hmmmm..... The only thing I can think of is telling them that they either follow your rules or go some where else. I know its really tough but they have to learn to be parents and adults really fast or else the baby is the one that is going to suffer the most
 

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Um, Carol, I don't usually recommend the use of firearms, but in this case it may be a necessary teaching tool. 8) :roll:





:lol: :catrun
 

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The kids have to grow up and be responsible adults. That poor little lamb going to bed in that condition is sad. It's your home, Carol. I know you don't want to be the proverbial mean mother-in-law, but for the sake of the little one, I think you will have to enforce some rules. :(
 

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I would be inclined to send them out on their own and keep the little one at my house until they get their act together. Hailey is at a sensitive age. What happens to her now can shape her entire life.

I just want to say that you are a special Grandma to be so concerned about her.
 

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Leazie said:
I would be inclined to send them out on their own and keep the little one at my house until they get their act together.
I'm not sure this would work, only because if you remove the major responsibility people can sometimes get in the mindset of 'why bother, since I don't have to now'.

I think if they stay together as a family and some rules are enforced, certainly they will not like it, but it will be much better for them in the long run. If they complain, well...they can move out at any time. Besides, if they were acting as adults themselves, you wouldn't have to tell them what to do. So, either they can do it on their own without you telling them to do it, or you can nag them into doing it.
Give them a choice about it. Well, really, it isn't a choice; it is telling them what the consequences will be and they can choose which path they want to take to either accept or avoid the consequences.

When Hubby's Sis and her husband stayed with us, we laid down some rules. Mostly, we let them live in their room as they wished. The only smack-downs occured if they left food in their room and it drew ants or if they left the window open during rainstorms. Their bathroom was the guest bathroom and it had to be kept presentable. Otherwise, they were responsible for themselves.
Of course, the whole thing turned south after the 'honeymoon' of living at a new place wore off and they found we expected them to contribute chore-wise to the household.

I understand your frustration. I hope you are able to find a way to make things better for the baby. Good luck.
h
 

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For the sake of your granddaughter you have to "lay down the law" so to speak. That's no way for a baby to have to be treated and it sounds like Garth and Sandy should be old enough to figure that out.

Tough love is just that it's tough, but it's also one of the best teaching tools if the ones being taught the lesson will grow up and take responsibility.

However, I can completely understand it from the point of doing whatever you can to help the baby whether or not the parents shape up. My nephew is in a bad spot. His mother and my brother never married and he is the 2nd of 3 kids that she's had from 3 different guys! 8O My mom and dad do whatever they can to watch my nephew on the weekends, etc., because they know he's in good hands at least while he's with them. Their mother is just not responsible at all and neither is my brother. He pays child support and that's about it. He's not really actively involved in my nephew's life. His buddies and his motorcycle are of highest importance in his life right now and it burns me knowing that.
 

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Jeanie said:
That's so very sad, Jo. :( I'm so glad your parents help.
I'm glad they do, too. I have to say that my nephew's other grandparents do just as much good by him as well. His mom and dad are the ones who need to be smacked! :evil:

He's only 18 months older than my kids so he spends as much time with us as we can find, too. It's just sad knowing that he's so young and innocent right now and that if he doesn't continue to get some decent influences in his life he could end up going down the same path as his mom or dad. I really hope that as he and my kids get older they will continue to be good friends and that the family life he sees at this house (although I know we're not perfect) helps him to understand what a family is.
 

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It is beyond me to understand why the parental instinct to protect and cherish our children to the best of our ability does not seem to kick in with some people.
Carol, I feel so bad for your situation - it must be so frustrating. My thoughts are with you...
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Thanks for the support ..... its really needed...

Garth is the biggest problem ( he is 21) and sadly a bully boy like his father .. my ex , he speaks to me like dirt .

I have come to the conclusion that having these kids in the house is eventually going to break my heart.

Hubs and I have told them , get with the programme or get out !!!!!

Its so sad... little Hailey :cry: .. but I also cant afford to let our lives be ruined ....

Sandy cant seem to unerstand what he (Garth) is doing wrong ... apparently he speaks to her mother like dirt and its accepted .. well not in my house kids .... in my house u will be clean , responsible and treat each other with respect.

If Sandy wants to go back to her mother , there is nothing I can and will do .. its her decision .
 

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About the baby's care... Could you do it? BUT...if you do it, could you make them stop whatever they were doing (TV, video games, whatever) and sit in the same room? No TV, no reading, nothing to distract them from anything other than the washing of the baby. Maybe after a bit, they could be coerced into doing the care themselves, if they have to sit through it anyways?

Sounds like if they do not express respect for each other, it will continue to be a sore point. You may have to set them free to sink/swim on their own. I feel badly for the baby, as she will 'pay' the most.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Heidi its the baby that worries me the most ..... hopefully what hubs and I have told them will sink in.

Its so difficult .... Hubs and I are happy we both have good jobs we are financially stable .....the problem is of course , is how much we can let this sitaution go on.

I have been faced with hard choices .. I had to throw Steven my eldest out on the street because of drugs ....

To me its always a question of .... how much are we expected to put up with .... hubs and I have had a rough time .. my bipolar , my drinking , money problems ... I dont want to ruin it.

And Hubs is a quiet gentle man ... but once he has enough , he has had enough .....

WE shall see what happens tonight .....

And I cant see why I should be taking care of Hailey ???? I work all day , these two must take responsibilty to do it themselves , and thats the end of it , im going to buy Sandy a book on baby care ....im happy to help out with Hailey no problem .. but full time care is out .
 

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This is so sad, Carol. The situation sounded so promising and hopeful when you first mentioned it a few weeks ago. They both seemed to have turned their lives around. Maybe just the threat of being turned out, with an exact date deadline, may do it. Like you said, you were strong enough to kick Steven out, so Garth must know you mean business.

Good luck. You've been through so much, this shouldn't be on your shoulders right now.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Yeah .. I was positive .... the last thing I expected however was a grubby smelly baby ..... I can understand a lot of things but that .... 8O

The sight that greeted me last night when I came home was Hailey in the same smelly baby gro that she had thrown up on the previous night when I was winding her .....

Now that is truly pushing it .... :?
 
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