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Discussion Starter #1
The Royal Couple are separated by a closed door. Prince spends the day by that door, begging me to open it (I won't, as he's attacked Princess several times once inside). Princess spends her days on the other side of the door (but when I open it, she hisses at Prince).

What are the signs to know I can move on to the next step?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Good question. I only did the towel rubbing on both of them once. I'll do it again to test this.
 

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They shouldn't hiss, growl, fur raise, etc. at the sight/smell of each other. You should be able to feed both cats right next to each other without an altercation (even if that is feeding on either sides of a baby gate). One of the ways I knew my kitties were ready was when they would play with each other through the crack in the door. They used to pass toy mice back and forth. Make sure you switch their rooms several times because you don't want either cat to think that a certain room is "theirs." If they have a territory they will protect it.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
This is exactly the problem!!!! They're perfectly fine with each other unless one of them enters the other's territory. I really have to find a way soon to change territories between them. Getting Prince in the bedroom is no problem, but he'll cry to get out if I close him there. Getting her out of the bedroom will need to be only by trapping her, caging her, which I'd rather not do, and won't work after the first time. I'm stuck here... :(
 

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Have you tried opening the door and putting down two dishes and having them eat near each other? It's starting to help with my situation. If you get them used to the fact that being near each other means good things (food, treats, games, etc.), it helps.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Marie, I've done it a few times, but I ended up moving her bowl away because she was too scared to eat near him.

She's recently stopped defending her territory, actually. Now she just hides under the bed and cries when I open the door and he's on the other side.

I don't blame her, he's been really scary to her, twice even attacked her in her very litter box!

I'm keeping the door closed at all times till I figure out what to do, but at night I keep it open because I can't afford the A/C all night. Besides, Prince only gets more frustrated when he's alone for 8 hours on the other side of the door, feeling excluded. I don't have a spare room for her, and the bathroom is too tiny for her to live in in bearable conditions, plus it has no A/C.
 

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With cats, things have to happen in steps and also at their pace. It can be very taxing on your patience because it may take a long time , but the results will be rewarding. You must be persistent and consistent. Don't start something, see it not work the first time, then give up. It's not going to happen the first time, or the second, or even the tenth. For a rough idea, it took a good year and a half before Miu got used to Rocky the dog's behavior. Right now, it's 10 months and Cap'n Jack is still skittish at the slightest unfamiliar thing even if it comes from me who he's bonded with the most. Cats can take awhile.

Do the 'eating near each other' thing consistently and for every meal. Not just a few times. If she's too scared to eat, then start at a distance she's comfortable with then slowly move it closer and closer with time. Like one week at whatever distance, then an inch or two closer for the 2nd week etc etc. If she's scared with that new move, retreat back the inch or two for a while longer then try again.

Also the switching territories thing and rubbing scents is going to help if you do it consistently. Scents wear off after a while, so do it several times a day.

I really don't know how affordable or doable for you. I was fortunate enough that my dad built a wooden, barred door to temporarily replace the opaque door when I was first integrating Jack. Eventually, Miu (resident cat) and Jack were playing thru the bars and that's when I knew it would be okay to try releasing them together.

You can simulate this by getting baby gates. I believe one member used 3 baby gates all the way up to the top of the door. In this way, both cats can see, smell and touch each other. Again, you feed their meals and treats near the gates so they get used to the 'good things occur when the other cat is present' thing.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Alpaca, I'm really lost. I called someone experienced a while ago and she told me to put Princess back in the street so she'll be better off than closed in a room for weeks or months. I think she's right, but then again all advice I've been receiving is right. It's just that I can't force Princess to interact with Prince when all he does is chase her and scare her until I scream and he gets scared of me and leaves the bedroom. I just gave her turkey pastrami and she wouldn't eat it, she literally gave up on it, because it was near the bedroom door. And Prince is not even in the house.

I'm so confused... Why should I try to get her to fear him less if she has all the reason to fear him? It's not that their scents are not well known to each other, they've been sitting together for over 6 months, hours every day, in the feeding station in the street. And for 3 weeks here, they do little other than smell each other all day and night, as the apt. is tiny. The problem is that he is getting away with scaring her away, and I don't know how to stop that. Maybe I'm wrong, but I have a feeling that he can smell her under the door for years and still, the day I open the door, he'll chase and scare her. Because it suits him that she's confined and alone in that room.

I don't know what to think anymore, I just hurt for her situation.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
As for installing doors and stuff, that's not a possibility in a rented place. And as to swapping places between them, as I said above I would have to trap and cage her to get her out of the bedroom, as she's too scared to be persuaded to even approach the bedroom door from the inside. And it's perfectly logical, since the day she ventured outside he attacked her.
 

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Well, her fear of him started LONG before she tried to venture out of her room. He attacked her on her second and/or third day there. Prince has had almost constant access to her from day one and intimidated her constantly. I'm sure she is absolutely terrified at this point.

I guess it is a trade off. A few weeks/months of concentrated work, effort and money so she can have a lifetime of comfort living inside or her freedom...complete freedom of living on the street.
 

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I guess it is a trade off. A few weeks/months of concentrated work, effort and money so she can have a lifetime of comfort living inside or her freedom...complete freedom of living on the street.
Which comes with NO guarantee of Princess being safe. I think putting her back on the street would be cruel. I mean think about it. How would you like it if someone took you in, fed you, and kept you safe to only kick you out after 2-3 weeks? Whomever told you to put her back on the street is full of beans.

I think you've been rushing things between Prince and Princess from the first minute you brought Princess into your apartment. Just because they got along outside was NEVER a guarantee that they'd get along inside. Prince views your apartment as his territory and that's why he's been "attacking" her. Is he drawing blood? Does she have any marks/scratches/bites on her?

If you really want them to get along, you have to be willing to take this as slow as possible. I've seen nothing but excuses from you. Baby gates don't require installation. There are so many different kinds out there...if you'd only look. As for letting her out of your room, can't you do it while Prince is outside? What's the problem with that?

Look, I'm not trying to sound harsh, but you've gotten such good advice from people who've introduced new cats to resident cats. And it just seems like you're saying, "Hey, that's great, but what I want to do is this and I want it done NOW." I don't know what kind of "experience" your expert had, but telling you to put Princess back on the street is just WRONG.
 

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She's recently stopped defending her territory, actually. Now she just hides under the bed and cries when I open the door and he's on the other side.

I'm keeping the door closed at all times till I figure out what to do, but at night I keep it open because I can't afford the A/C all night. .
She hides under the bed and cries because you are giving Prince access to her. If she is that scared then that door needs to be closed at all times. Don't you want to keep her safe?
 
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