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Discussion Starter #1
May 5th I had to have my 18 year old long haired calico put to sleep. This past Saturday I adopted a wonderful young adult male kitty named Sammy (see him in my intro post down below).

Sunday, I go by my local petstore and they have....a long haired calico kitten. I fell head over heels in love with her, and two cats isn't any more difficult to keep than one. She's the calico in the first picture:

http://www.animalatlanta.com/kittenpage.htm

The problem is this. My long time boyfriend of 12 years (you may as well call us domestic partners) thinks we have enough pets. We've got a dog and a cat, and a menagerie of herps (geckos and ball pythons) as well as some pet rats.

I concocted a plan that backfired on me. I went by there, and paid for her and brought her home (he works second shift). I told him when he called me that Diamond (the dog) had found a kitten that looked like Chynna (the kitty we had PTS) and that I wanted to keep her. Figured I'd play on the "fate - it was meant to be" card. Figured it was better to ask forgiveness than permission.

He went "NO! Absolutely not! You don't know WHAT that kitten would bring into the house!". So...back to the pet store I went with her and told him that's where I'd take her. No refund. But I knew that was a risk I was taking.

Both Sammy and Diamond loved her and all three got along (for the hour she was at the house).

So, my heart has been aching - and I call the petstore and they'll hold her today for me if I decide to come back and get her.

I talk to him this morning and ask him to just hear me out - how I normally wouldn't be pushing the issue, if it were any other kitten that didn't look like Chynna, I wouldn't keep pressing the issue. He got mad and said "do what you do - this is YOUR apartment anyway, your name is on the lease - do what you do - get the cat!"

But I know that he's super upset. I feel like he'd love her, but probably remain mad and harbor some resentment.

Am I being selfish? Would you get her anyway? I know I'm asking a bunch of cat lovers what they'd do - but really - what would you do? Love the kitty you have and not get the second? Or go ahead and get her?

I don't want to disrespect him - we really do have a great relationship or we wouldn't be together all these years. I know ultimately I'm the only one who knows what I should do - but I would like some thoughts from the members here. Maybe even someone to knock some sense into me.

Financially, no problems with a second cat. Spacewise - we're in a one bedroom apartment. At one time we DID have three cats and a dog (I had the cats before we met).

Should I get her for a trial period and if he still feels strongly after a week that he doesn't want her, take her back? They do have another gal who's been coming to the store every single day to see her and trying to decide if she wants her. I could even get her name and offer her to her. Although I feel like once he gets to know her, he'll fall for her too.

I'm torn apart inside, my heart says to get her, but my head says - is this the right decision?
 

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Discussion Starter #4
harry said:
get the kitty, it needs a home. the boyfriend will get over it, if not then the heck with him :D
Yeah - I know - but she'll get a home, even if it's not with me. They were talking about how upset this girl will be when she finds out she was sold.

GAH! I don't know what to do. The guilt is killing me if I DO get her, but then my heart breaks when I think about NOT getting her.
 

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Get the cat, and let him do something he really want but you don't, like paining the walls in the bedroom a color he like but you have put your foot down on, or choose your next vacation something like that.
 

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This doesn't sound like a good situation to me and I think there is a bigger problem, underlying the boyfriend's attitude.

Kitten needs a home, looks like the one you lost, space/money for care isn't the problem AND your pets at home already enjoyed her short stay.
WHY is bf so mad at you wanting to get another kitten? WHAT, exactly, does it matter? WHY bring up who is on the lease and who will do what they want anyways... Sounds like some bigger issues in regards to who-controls-what to me.

Either you get the kitty and he remains disgruntled or you don't get the kitty and your heart breaks a little bit. WHO is satisfied with EITHER of those options? You for getting the kitten or him for preventing you from getting the kitten? I think you both need to sit down and talk to discover the real problem, because it dang sure isn't a kitten that is the problem!
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Heidi n Q said:
This doesn't sound like a good situation to me and I think there is a bigger problem, underlying the boyfriend's attitude.

Kitten needs a home, looks like the one you lost, space/money for care isn't the problem AND your pets at home already enjoyed her short stay.
WHY is bf so mad at you wanting to get another kitten? WHAT, exactly, does it matter? WHY bring up who is on the lease and who will do what they want anyways... Sounds like some bigger issues in regards to who-controls-what to me.

Either you get the kitty and he remains disgruntled or you don't get the kitty and your heart breaks a little bit. WHO is satisfied with EITHER of those options? You for getting the kitten or him for preventing you from getting the kitten? I think you both need to sit down and talk to discover the real problem, because it dang sure isn't a kitten that is the problem!
Heidi,

Part of the problem is only getting to see each other on the weekends. Granted, we live together, but when I leave for work, he's sleeping and when he gets home from work I'm sleeping (I work 6-4, he works 2:30-11:30).

He's always had issues with how I keep house. I don't mind comfortably cluttered, he was raised military. That's always been an issue between us - but yet we've stayed together for 12 years. I swear he goes through PMS periods, and he's acting like that now.

I actually talked to him during lunch, he was in a better mood and said "so - did you call the pet store yet?" and I said yes, and that I was willing to compromise. I'd bring her home (because I know she'll win him over) and if he still feels strongly by Sunday, I'll take her back. At least then I'll be satisfied that he's given her a chance. He's not so stubborn that he'll not admit he's fond of her.

I didn't tell him this - but I'm going to make a concerted effort to do more around the house (he really is the one who does most of the cleaning because of his background and I CAN pitch in more). So, that will be what I will do without telling him or using it as leverage, more of a gift to him, if that makes any sense.

He's going through a moody phase right now - he does this every spring for some reason. Finds things to complain about and nit pick about. Usually lasts about four weeks, and I have learned that "this too shall pass". It's a quirk of his, and I love and care for him to look over it. He's certainly loved me enough to look over quirks of mine that annoy him.

Added on top of that, he's been out of work for almost two months and just recently became employed again (not for lack of trying, that man is not too proud to flip burgers if he has too - as he says - anything beats a blank!), so he's just now starting to get checks rolling in again. That was a stressful period for both of us, as was the year I was out of work right after 9-11 and my company laid off 1/2 it's worldwide workforce.

So, I've called the pet store - they're expecting me this afternoon. I'll see him briefly this afternoon (he works 2 miles from me) when I stop by to drop off his paycheck (his temp agency is in my same office complex and he's asked me to pick it up for him). He was much more relaxed on the phone and was talking to Sammy when we were on the phone.
 

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It sounds like you have it sorted out, but I hope you're right and his heart will melt as it's pretty unfair to this kitten to be shoved back and forth multiple times. She's gone from where ever she was born, separated from her mama, to the the pet store, to your house, back to the pet store, back to your house...it would be a real shame to subject her to another move in her short life.

rabernet said:
I don't want to disrespect him - we really do have a great relationship or we wouldn't be together all these years.
Lying to manipulate him into agreeing to do what you want is pretty disrespectful imo. I hope he doesn't find out that she was never stray, especially before his heart melts or his anger at being lied to might very well end her chances of staying.

BTW, I'd be just as worried about bringing home diseases from a pet store and whatever place she was at before that, as I would bringing in a stray.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
doodlebug said:
Lying to manipulate him into agreeing to do what you want is pretty disrespectful imo. I hope he doesn't find out that she was never stray, especially before his heart melts or his anger at being lied to might very well end her chances of staying.

BTW, I'd be just as worried about bringing home diseases from a pet store and whatever place she was at before that, as I would bringing in a stray.
You are absolutely correct about the lying. Thank you for the reality check. My vet has already agreed to look her over for me this evening and get her started on her vaccinations. They are open until 8 PM during the week.
 

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rabernet said:
He's going through a moody phase right now - he does this every spring for some reason. Finds things to complain about and nit pick about. Usually lasts about four weeks, and I have learned that "this too shall pass". It's a quirk of his, and I love and care for him to look over it. He's certainly loved me enough to look over quirks of mine that annoy him.
Well, it sounds like you found the cause that I was so certain was much more sinister! :lol: I do agree that the work schedules, being out of work and other stressors probably contributed, but it also sounds like he was in a much better mood when you talked to him this afternoon. I'm glad it looks like things are resolved. Best of luck with the little kitten and him!
Heidi
 

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make sure you work out your personal problems before you make another rash decision about buying or not buying the kitty again. going back and fourth and back and fourth between pet store and your home can be so stressful...and im sure that despite what you decide the people at the store will make sure that the cat gets a good home. i would resolve any issues with your boyfriend before you take her home, but keep in mind that waiting longer risks the kitten getting sold to someone else. i dont see what the big deal is, but it is your bf's house too, so these things should be decided together. the kitten doesnt deserve to live in a home that there will be tension over her/him. im sure if you decide to bring it home again there will be many a fight over it...which wont be a great environment for the cat. just somethign to consider. best of luck. :)
 

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Aaaack!!! I can't read all the other responses yet - I had to respond.

I had a nearly 18 year old that passed away in 2006. We were FINE with ONE CAT for all those years. As you see by my siggy - we have MORE than one cat now. We acquired them a number of ways, and my husband learned to love them all. It took maybe 2 days and he came around.

I know it's important to work out your issues, I'm not discounting that at all. BUT, here's what you also need to think about....

Is it your home, his home, or "our home"? You said up above that you can financially handle all your pets. Do you both have jobs/income? If so, he has to eventually understand that this is important to you and he needs to get over it - quickly... and he will.

Go back and get that sweet kitty. You didn't have an "impulse moment" - it was meant to be.

I spent probably an hour in a pet store today (that uses local shelter cats/dogs) knowing that I have plenty of little mouths to feed and I didn't need the 3 cats that were there. So I made phone calls and helped place 1 of them. I couldn't handle all three, but I tried! It sounds to me like you're like that too!! You really want these animals to have homes too. Just do it. Your heart wants it and that's all that matters.

OK. Sorry I got on my little soapbox, but I wish I could bring them all home!! We're all like that I guess.

Now I'm going to read everyone's posts!
 

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OK - one other thing.....

"He's going through a moody phase right now - he does this every spring for some reason"

That's why God made Lexapro and chocolate.


:wink:
 

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Discussion Starter #19
A quick update. We had a long chat yesterday and he apologized for being snappy - that he hadn't had his coffee yet and I caught him off guard and still not awake.

I stopped by his job on the way home (he just works 2 miles from my job) and he said "are you going to go pick her up now?" I asked "are you sure you're ok with it?" and he said yes.

So, to be such a little thing, she's able to claw her way up onto the bed and she fell asleep curled up betwen my shoulder and neck and went to sleep.

I leave the television in the bedroom on for him so he can see and I hear him exclaim "my god you're tiny!!!" (he's never had a kitten before, he "inherited" my three cats when we first met 12 years ago). And then I hear him say "you're so LITTLE!", and then eventually "ok little one, time to get down" and sets her on the floor where I assume she went to sleep with Sammy, because she wasn't on the bed when I got up this morning.

He called me at work when he got up and had a chance to wake up and said "she's a cute little bugger! She needs a name".

He has decided she will be named Alexis and we'll call her Lexi. I knew that if he had the day with her, without me saying "isn't she cute?" before he left for work that she would win him over - and she charmed her way into his heart.

She and Sammy played all evening last night - taking turns chasing each other, and she even fell asleep at one point curled up next to Diamond - who was so proud to have her new friend.

All three are doing great this evening and our fur family is complete (this time last year we had two senior kitties and Diamond).

Here's the baby:






 
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