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Discussion Starter #1
Yes, I know it's silly that I'm posting this in a cat forum. ;)

Just curious. What are your opinions on this? Experiences? Anecdotal he-said she-said? I've been wondering if it's a good idea, generally speaking.

FTR, I have done this TWICE in my life. Once in high school. Once yesterday. Crashed and burned both times. :thumb So obviously I'm not too experienced at this, considering I only do it about once a decade. :p I just wanted to get some input before I try again in the next ten years.

Ladies, have you ever asked a guy out? Gentlemen, how do you react when a girl does the asking?
 

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I won't do the asking. Just because I've never had good experiences being the asker. I just pray that God will send me a man who isn't afraid to woo me, because I'm done doing the wooing.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I don't know of any women who have had positive experiences doing the asking, oddly enough. Yet in modern times we're encouraged to do so, at least some of the time.
 

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I've done things like initiate "friend" type activities with guys I've like (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't) but I've never asked a guy out. I feel really uncomfortable doing that. Despite what all of popular culture tries to instill in us, men and women are different. Generally speaking, most women aren't comfortable asking guys out and some of my guy friends (ones who are married or in established relationships) say that it made them feel uncomfortable and emasculated when a girl does he wooing.

I'm with Kobster on this one. I'm just going to trust that God will send me the right guy.
 

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Interesting views. Like all stereotypes, there's a lot of truth in the one about women not wanting to ask guys out (something I've often heard). Can I ask what bad experiences people have had? Flat refusals? (cos I've had a lot of those!), or was it that the guy turned out to be a complete twit? I say don't just leave it up to us. If you like a guy in that way, and he's up to your particular standards, then why not?

I personally have no problem with it.
 

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I think most men would say they'd love it if a woman asked them out, but the actual experience is that it never goes well.

Much as I hate to hear myself say this, I don't think it's a good idea. There's still some caveman/cavewoman stuff going on that we haven't eradicated, and one element of that is that men still like to think of themselves as the pursuers. I think as women we have to say to ourselves -- if that guy isn't asking me out, there's a reason for that. There are no accidents. They don't lose phone numbers. They're not too busy to call. If they call, they're interested, and if they don't, they're not. And the "why not" may be absolutely nothing you've done wrong. Maybe the guy just doesn't think you're his type. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but I think it's the truth.
 

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As much as I am a straight shooter kinda gal, I don't think I would ask a guy, flat out, for a date. It would probably be something very informal like hey would you like to go to ?? and watch the ballgame.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I've done things like initiate "friend" type activities with guys I've like (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't) but I've never asked a guy out. I feel really uncomfortable doing that. Despite what all of popular culture tries to instill in us, men and women are different. Generally speaking, most women aren't comfortable asking guys out and some of my guy friends (ones who are married or in established relationships) say that it made them feel uncomfortable and emasculated when a girl does he wooing.

I'm with Kobster on this one. I'm just going to trust that God will send me the right guy.
I'm also quite uncomfortable doing the asking, hence the having done it only twice. It's interesting that your male friends who say they don't like it are actually married or in serious relationships.

I think most men would say they'd love it if a woman asked them out, but the actual experience is that it never goes well.

Much as I hate to hear myself say this, I don't think it's a good idea. There's still some caveman/cavewoman stuff going on that we haven't eradicated, and one element of that is that men still like to think of themselves as the pursuers. I think as women we have to say to ourselves -- if that guy isn't asking me out, there's a reason for that. There are no accidents. They don't lose phone numbers. They're not too busy to call. If they call, they're interested, and if they don't, they're not. And the "why not" may be absolutely nothing you've done wrong. Maybe the guy just doesn't think you're his type. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but I think it's the truth.
That's a very "He's Just Not That Into You" philosophy. Have you read that book? I read it last year, and thought that it had many good points. Why I decided to go against it I'm not sure! I have to wonder - the men who say that they would love it if a woman asked them out, would they think, "Great, what a load off my shoulders because I really like her," or would they think, "Great, a woman who obviously likes me, let's see what I can get out of her?" Unfortunately I think the men in my age range (20's) will probably think the latter.

Interesting views. Like all stereotypes, there's a lot of truth in the one about women not wanting to ask guys out (something I've often heard). Can I ask what bad experiences people have had? Flat refusals? (cos I've had a lot of those!), or was it that the guy turned out to be a complete twit? I say don't just leave it up to us. If you like a guy in that way, and he's up to your particular standards, then why not?

I personally have no problem with it.
Nobody else has volunteered their specific experiences, so I can't speak for everybody. But I guess I should admit that neither of my "crash and burns" were flat refusals. The first time, I had asked the boy point blank if he wanted to go out on a date; he had been flirting with me for some time. He said yes, but was so uncomfortable during the actual date that a second date never happened.

This recent time, the guy had actually asked first. We went on one date, and had a good time. Afterwards was a game of "asking tag." During that first date, I had turned him down for a kiss (I tend not to do that on 1st dates) so I saw no harm in asking him for a 2nd date to make sure he knew I was interested. He said no, but asked me to go on a date a few days later. I was busy with my son and said no. Because he had asked a second time, I saw no harm in asking him a second time, as well. *cough* He said that he needed to clean his house. :lol:

In both situations the guys seemed to be uncomfortable in the position of the pursued, only showing interest when they were the ones doing the pursuing. I think I have to agree, based on my limited experiences, that there is some caveman/cavewoman feeling still lingering in us and it's best to leave the wooing up to the males.
 

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In both situations the guys seemed to be uncomfortable in the position of the pursued, only showing interest when they were the ones doing the pursuing. I think I have to agree, based on my limited experiences, that there is some caveman/cavewoman feeling still lingering in us and it's best to leave the wooing up to the males.
Yeah, it was a "He's Just Not That Into You" mentality. I never read the book or saw the movie, but it sure resonated when I saw it talked about on Oprah and other shows. I just know from personal experience that if we women like someone, we'll make about 100 excuses for why they haven't called and believe the excuses they come up with themselves (cleaning the house????), rather than face the truth. Fortunately, the older I got as a single woman, the more comfortable I was with not forcing these things. But you're right, I think we're better off leaving it up to them to ask us out, and if they don't, just trust that it wouldn't have worked anyway and move on to the next one.
 

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It's interesting that your male friends who say they don't like it are actually married or in serious relationships.
Yup, cause they actually had the guts to ask their girl out :D

I've also had problems with guys in the past where they can only talk things out over email, text, IM, FB messages. :-? So I've decided if they can't get up the guts to talk about issues in person, they aren't worth the time and energy because they are poor communicators and they can't make a relationship work. I had one guy ask me on second date and then he emails and says he is making a last minute visit with family in Texas so he has to cancel. Next thing I hear, he is emailing everyone in our bible study (I met him at church) saying that he has decided to move to Texas. He emails me a couple days later and basically said it isn't going to work out *facepalm* no duh.
 

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I've always been pretty proactive about asking guys out. I guess i can be impatient, and don't like waiting around for something to happen.

I was almost always shot down though, or it didn't go very far. The only sort-of exception was a guy who turned me down when I asked, and then a year later after we'd established a closer friendship, told me he changed his mind. We dated for four years.

My current fantastic committed-enough-to-adopt-cats-together relationship started with him asking me out though...or rather, him inviting me to a "housewarming party" where I and his best friend were the only ones who showed up and the best friend left after the movie, leaving us alone to hang out and eat dinner, so it sort of became a date. But with us, we ended up being such a good match with such instant chemistry that no one really needed to "ask" the other about future dates or eventually making the relationship official. It just kind of progressed naturally once we got to know each other as friends. Every other step of our relationship has been like that. Neither of us ever asked the other about moving in together. I just started spending more and more time at his place, and one day he was just like, "You can bring whatever you need over by the way, I'm cool with that," and then we ended up living together!

In my experience, that's my favorite way to do it. It just seems far less stressful, and bodes well for the future of the relationship. I mean, yeah, some asking on someone's part may be required for the initial "getting to know each other" phase, but after that if you're a good match things should just develop on their own since you'll likely both have the same intentions. So I'm a huge advocate of the "hang out as friends and get to know each other first and let the relationship develop naturally" technique. It seems to take a lot of the awkward pressure off that may come with being on an official date with someone you don't know that well yet.

Of course, for the inevitable future question of great importance, I'm going to be traditional and let him do the asking. That's one step that probably requires a specific question. ;)
 

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Of course, for the inevitable future question of great importance, I'm going to be traditional and let him do the asking. That's one step that probably requires a specific question. ;)
My mom actually proposed to my dad in a "So, are we going to get married or what?" kinda way :D
 

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My mom actually proposed to my dad in a "So, are we going to get married or what?" kinda way :D
Haha, I've already tried that. XD I got an eta on a proposal out of him but that's it. It's one of those, we both know that's where this is going, but he wants to give it what he feels is the appropriate length of wait time to be absolutely sure first.

He's a very cautious guy and likes to take his sweet time making big decisions even when he already knows what he wants to do. Which is probably a good thing. He never rushes into any decision.

It took him 3 days just to name our first cat.
 

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I've always been a shy person, and I haven't had many relationships at all... one other besides my current long-term relationship of almost 5 years... At the beginning we were working together at pizza hut LOL and the flirting was very mutual. But the first time we actually hung out alone together, it was me who called and asked him. Actually, it was an accident, and I'd been trying to call my friend "Annie" and accidentally hit "Andrew". When he answers I was like... oh shoot! >.< Wait... hey, wanna hang out? A week later he asked me to be his girlfriend and the rest is history!

I know that personally, I would be way too shy to ever outright ask a guy out though.
 

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My mom actually proposed to my dad in a "So, are we going to get married or what?" kinda way :D
Oh, I think when it comes to proposals, men may still do the asking but women usually cajole, manipulate, extort, and encourage them into it! I don't think there are many proposals in the world where the man doesn't know that the woman will say yes, because she's been talking about it nonstop for a year. Seriously.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I've always been pretty proactive about asking guys out. I guess i can be impatient, and don't like waiting around for something to happen.

I was almost always shot down though, or it didn't go very far. The only sort-of exception was a guy who turned me down when I asked, and then a year later after we'd established a closer friendship, told me he changed his mind. We dated for four years.

My current fantastic committed-enough-to-adopt-cats-together relationship started with him asking me out though...or rather, him inviting me to a "housewarming party" where I and his best friend were the only ones who showed up and the best friend left after the movie, leaving us alone to hang out and eat dinner, so it sort of became a date. But with us, we ended up being such a good match with such instant chemistry that no one really needed to "ask" the other about future dates or eventually making the relationship official. It just kind of progressed naturally once we got to know each other as friends. Every other step of our relationship has been like that. Neither of us ever asked the other about moving in together. I just started spending more and more time at his place, and one day he was just like, "You can bring whatever you need over by the way, I'm cool with that," and then we ended up living together!

In my experience, that's my favorite way to do it. It just seems far less stressful, and bodes well for the future of the relationship. I mean, yeah, some asking on someone's part may be required for the initial "getting to know each other" phase, but after that if you're a good match things should just develop on their own since you'll likely both have the same intentions. So I'm a huge advocate of the "hang out as friends and get to know each other first and let the relationship develop naturally" technique. It seems to take a lot of the awkward pressure off that may come with being on an official date with someone you don't know that well yet.

Of course, for the inevitable future question of great importance, I'm going to be traditional and let him do the asking. That's one step that probably requires a specific question. ;)
I can see what you're saying with the hanging out first. BUT, since one of you has to do the asking even for hanging out, it doesn't totally eradicate the stress of being out on a limb. I concur with the impatience thing, though. I may learn someday that impatience never pays off, so why would it work out well with guys... but obviously now is not that day. :p Well, who knows. Maybe this recent experience will have taught me, I was pretty mortified. It almost makes me feel sorry for men because to this day they still have to do the bulk of the asking. I think they probably enjoy the challenge more than women do, to be fair.
 

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I asked out a guy who was very flirty with me in a group situation. Turned out he was gay. Obviously things didn't go anywhere...
 

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I asked out a guy who was very flirty with me in a group situation. Turned out he was gay. Obviously things didn't go anywhere...
Oh No!!

Well, I sort of asked this guy I met online on a date (more of a hanging out thing), and we seemed to get along well for just having met. He had to cut it short after 45 min to go help a friend (which I thought was just an excuse to leave), but he asked me to hang out the next day before he left. And then I never heard from him again. I'm still confused whether he didn't like me, or thought I didn't like him since I didn't ask the 2nd time. Lol- I think I'll just wait for the guy to ask next time!
 
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