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Discussion Starter #1
On Saturday my little furry boy Bob passed away very suddenly and the age of just four. There had been no signs and he was happy healthy and active, even eating and drinking prior to his passing. He just dropped dead on my bedroom floor.

I'm obviously devastated but I think that my other cat is having a hard time as well. She was with him when it happened and was guarding him when I found him, so she knows what has happened. She was his momma and it was pitiful to see how she was reacting after we got home from the vets.

Tahllula is not the most affectionate cat and she prefers to be left alone most of the time, just comes for a pat a couple of times a day. She has almost been constantly with me since it happened, only leaving me to go an have a quick nap up stairs. I've caught her licking some of his fav spots where he used to lie and especially my duvet, it almost looked like when she used to groom him. Also for the first time ever, she has been sitting on my lap today and actively seeking lots of pats. She's also crying out a lot.

I'm trying to make a fuss of her and I don't think that she has ever had as many treats in one day before, but is there anything that I should be doing for her that I am not and also does anyone have any idea about the licking?

I'm so worried about her.
 

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i am so sorry for the both of you.

i am by no means a expert on cat psychology but in my opinion doing exactly what you are doing is the best thing. i would say that just like with a grieving person all that can be done is lots of love and tlc if that is what the grieving party wants, and it sounds like that is exactly what Tahllula wants/needs.

i wish i could be of more help to the two of you.
 

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I'm so sorry for both your loss and Tahllula's loss. Losing a someone you love is hard no matter what. Right now it sounds like you're right on track. You acknowledged that your other cat is gone and are showing Tahllula you are hurting too. Keep up the comfort. It will be good for the both of you
 

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I think what you are doing is perfect! It's so hard for everyone when a precious soul passes. Keep grooming her and cuddling with her, this will help give her a positive feel to any changes in the house while she grieves and let her know that she is not alone. I wouldn't feel to worried about her sniffing his normal spots. I know that a lot of different animals sniff and nuzzle the dead body of their companion or where their scent is strongest. I've seen lots of mama cats do this when they lose a kit. It is a natural part of the grieving process.

I would also recommend doing everything you can to keep her schedule as close to as normal as you possibly can. Cats are creatures of routine and habit. The loss of her loved one has caused a major upset. Anything else will only escalate the stress, even things as simple as changing her feeding time or moving her litter box to as drastic as a full change of furniture placement.

I am so sorry once again about your loss. I very much understand how hard it is. I'm glad that you and Tahllula have each other to lean on for comfort and love. I'm sure Bob knows how much he is loved and missed.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
It would be so much easier if they could speak. I really appreciate the feedback, its hard sometimes to know just what our little friends need. I'm so upset and I am scared that I may miss something with her or that I should be doing something differently.

She was my first ever kitty (we had always had dogs up until then) and truth be told, I wasn't really in the market for a cat when she came to me but my niece had rescued her from being mistreated and couldn't keep her as she already had two cats and a dog. Poor little girl had three different homes in the first 12 weeks of her life and I just couldn't turn her away. I still feel that I have no idea what I'm doing where she is concerned sometimes and worry that maybe I'm not as good a kitty mum that I could be. I've read lots of books and stuff, but I'm still confused by her sometimes. Bob was so different, it was easy with him, he knew what he wanted and he knew how to let me know (and how to wrap me round his little paws at the same time), we had a very, very close bond. I don't have the same sort of bond with her and I'm just really scared that I may miss something. I do love her just as much as the little guy but I dont 'get' her as much as I did Bob.

I hope you can understand what I mean.
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss. It takes a lot of love and time to heal after such a sudden event.
She seems like an independent cat, a strong personality. It's like with people, the strongest suffer more because they don't know how to ask for a shoulder to cry on and people presume them being so strong that they can handle everything. But you are a good mom and I think you are doing the right things to her. She'll be fine with a lot of affection and some time.
 

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you are being a great mom and you certainly have a wonderful heart.

i bet that Tahllula feels your sadness as well as your concern for her. given time she will adjust and the bond between you two will likely be stronger.
 

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She might be licking the spots where Bob used to be since she was used to grooming him and licking areas where she can smell him comforts her. You're doing exactly as you should do. It will take a bit of time, but she'll be fine after a while. I hope you can each be a comfort to one another during this sad time.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
She might be licking the spots where Bob used to be since she was used to grooming him and licking areas where she can smell him comforts her. You're doing exactly as you should do. It will take a bit of time, but she'll be fine after a while. I hope you can each be a comfort to one another during this sad time.
See this is what I was thinking the licking might be. Now i don't know if I should wipe out every trace of his smell (easier said than done I suspect) so it doesn't upset her or should I just leave it. That said, I am going to have to clean at some point in the very near future, so I would assume that most of his smell would be destroyed then, but should I leave one of the surfaces (say the window sill) for a few weeks to bring her some comfort?
 

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You're doing a great job. Just keep on giving her as much attention as she wants, grooming her is calming. I would not clean up the spots where Bob used to sit yet. Give it a few weeks, and then clean except for the window sill. It does take cats who had a close attachment to another some time to grieve. One of my old cats lost her catfriend very much like yours with a sudden heart attack and they'd been together 16 years. She saw her body, but afterwards went through the house frequently meowing for her, wanted every closed door opened, and used to sit in the same spots her catfriend did. She carried on like this for almost 3 months and then gradually came back to normal. Like people animals are individuals when it comes to grieving. Some may not grieve at all, and others may grieve for quite a long time. All the best!
 

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Thank you all for the advice. I went to sleep last night with her watching me and when I woke up, she was still in the same place watching me. I don't think that she moved all night. Here I am worried about her, and I'm pretty sure now that she's actually the one thats looking after me. Right now, she's just sitting right next to me (last time she did this was when my mum passed away). I think that we will be OK, but she's due to get her booster needle in two weeks and I'm going to ask the vet to give her a full examination.

I've been searching for answers to why Bob passed so suddenly and after a lot of research, I've started to think that he may have had diabetes. He was a big lad, always eating and he drank massive amounts of water, he also peed like a race horse. This only started when I changed them from wet food to dry, I had read somewhere that it was better for them, but after reading this forum, I now know better. If only I had discovered this place sooner. His increase water uptake coincided with the change of food, so I just thought that that it was because of the lack of water in the food and I was actually glad that he was drinking more. The seemed to thrive after I changed their food and they both grew quite a lot (they were both tiny before) and their coats were very healthy, although after a while Bob did develop 'dandruff' but the vet said that was because he was a house cat.

Now looking back, all the symptoms where there, including the fact that he was quite a seditery cat. I obviously cant be 100% sure but I am really leaning toward this diagnosis. If it was this, its gutting to know if I had perhaps not changed their food or I had not mistaken his symptoms, then we would not be in this situation.

Tahllula is not showing any symptoms of this but I'm going to be changing her food back to wet today, I'm not taking any chances and also its so much better for her. She is far to precious to give her anything but the best.
 

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Bob was so different, it was easy with him, he knew what he wanted and he knew how to let me know (and how to wrap me round his little paws at the same time), we had a very, very close bond. I don't have the same sort of bond with her and I'm just really scared that I may miss something. I do love her just as much as the little guy but I dont 'get' her as much as I did Bob.

I hope you can understand what I mean.
I understand exactly what you mean. Those are the same words I used when my first cat Rookie died . . . we understood each other. It was a very tight bond on a primal sort of level. I know exactly what you're saying.
 

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Two of my sisters cats were best buddies. Otis died from a heart problem. They were together 4 years. Toby grieved for over a year for his buddy Otis. My sister and I give him a lot of attention and love. He has grown closer to us. He found another friend that he hangs with. A cat that is abandoned in her neighborhood. Weve tried to trap the kitty to s/n and vaccinate but he or she is too smart. But Toby loves to hang with that kitty.

Your kitty is going thru a grieving process and is latching on to you. It will take awhile for her to get over the death of her buddy. Your doing all the right things to help her.
 

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If it was this, its gutting to know if I had perhaps not changed their food or I had not mistaken his symptoms, then we would not be in this situation.
Drinking more is common when cats start eating dry, which might explain why you noticed a change when you switched to dry. Although excessive thirst is also a symptom of diabetes, it is typically combined with weight loss (since the cat is using his own body fat for energy), yet you say Bob was tiny before and was growing, which suggests diabetes was not the reason. Although it's good to change Tahllula to wet, I wouldn't blame yourself for what happened to Bob. His sudden death was a tragedy, but it could have been the result of many things, many of which you never could have known about or anticipated.

As for your earlier question regarding cleaning, I would just go about your normal life as best you can...perhaps don't wash the duvet until you really have to, since that seems to be a source of comfort to her now.

I suspect you're right about Tahllula taking care of you. Cats are often very good at picking up on our moods, and she's likely trying to comfort you now. She sounds like a sweetheart.
 
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