Lol, we do threaten ours as well. We have a lot of coyotes around where we live, so a favorite threat of ours is telling them we are going to feed them to the coyotes if they don't stop xyz. In fact, when I call them for mealtimes, my husband refers to it as 'fattening them up for the coyotes'. :mrgreen:

 

If I have to give them meds, syringe feed, or clip their nails and they wiggle excessively I threaten with "I'm gonna wrap you up like a burrito!" . It's not exactly an empty threat but it usually works.

 

When Shelly gets under my feet, I tell her "one of these days you're going to get stepped on."

Which actually is no joke. I have accidentally stepped on her, including one time when she ran up behind me, trying to get ahead of me because I had Da Bird in my hand, and I was walking out of her room into the living room, where there is more space for her to run around.

 

"somebodies after a pink bottom!"
"you're headed for a smack bottom, mister!!!"
"do you WANT me to get the broom?"
"that's it, I shall now thrash you about the head and neck!"
"Let the beatings begin!"
"don't you make me get the hose!"

To which I always get a MWARRR{Book and Neelix) or slowblinks(MowMow)...

Eta: And if they are yelling at me a lot I tell them that we can always go back to the pound and look for a better mommy.

 

'I don't skin ya, it'll be a near thing.'

 

Don't make me sell you to the gypsies,...
Usually uttered at 5 am when someone is kneading all over me desperately meowing

 

Don't make me sell you to the gypsies,...

LOL - or the rag man, the Indians, etc.

 

My SO regularly threatens to make them into mittens, slippers, a hat ect.

Except Muffin who would be made into Muff-icins (Moccasins )

Mostly I just say "Do you want to go to the naughty box?!" or tell them how bad they're being...followed by corporal cuddles. Sometimes cat yodeling XD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHXBL6bzAR4

 

Whenever mine are begging to be let outside, I tell them that there's a zombie apocalypse happening, and feral zombie cats outside would attack them and eat their cute kitty brains.

Of course, they never believe me.

 

I threaten Munch all the time with bodily harm and death, and swear at him, too... but as he can't hear, he just ignores me lol. I would never swear at a hearing pet, but the deafies are fair game... though I do make sure I'm not looking at them, so they can't read my lips lol

 

ET is a bity boy. Whenever he draws blood, really drawing blood (hardly now, touch wood), I will threaten to throw him out of the house (I don't really mean it, lol), "bad boy, do you want mamma to kick you out?"

 

Libarychick, that's too funny. My SO threatens both our ferrets and our cats that they will be made into purses. He also threatens to "spank those tiny whiskers."
He started doing this thing to get the animals to move, like when we are trying to get them all out of the kitchen when we cook, and he goes, "Getcher butt! Get!" in a funny voice, and it works now, on all of them. (Which means now that's what I have to say if I want them to move.)

If my SO isn't home I threaten to tell daddy on them, and I could swear, Truth understands me. Once, Bryan thought the ferrets were unscrewing the water bottle from the water bowl. So when I caught Truth doing it, I his behind the couch and started filming her, then popped up and said, "Oh...I'm telling daddy!" She immediately tried to play innocent, and started meowing up a storm and rolling around on the floor trying to look cute. Lol

 

I say all sorts of things to the cats that they respond to - that my SO is then stuck with

-When I want to get off the couch and am covered in kitties I say either "Up up kitties!" or "Skooch babies!"
-At bed time I always tell Torri "Cummon princess, bed bed bed." And she runs right up the stairs. But you have to say 'bed' three times or she looks at you like you did it wrong.
-When they're in a room they aren't allowed in usually I'll tell the boys "Ok, Out boys!" and they run right out...not so when my SO tries the same cue, lol

My most common 'threat' is that I'll eat their paws... XD

 

Hah! For bed time I always make a a sound similar to this with a wee wee wee at the end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TdkxpDB-A4

Once I make that noise everyone heads for the bedroom without any other prompting.

 

My one cat, Orion, is a handful and always either getting into trouble, knocking something off the counter or trying to make it up to me by wanting attention and being completely in my face while I'm trying to work. He also climbs / paws at your leg or butt if he wants attention, so you can be cooking and suddenly someone is pawing at your butt from behind demanding cuddles (he doesn't use claws at least!).

I also foster, so I always tell him how I'll trade him in for each foster because they are better behaved, less work, less demanding, more appreciative, cuter etc. I probably tell him a couple times a week how I'm trading him in for a more deserving, more appreciative foster kitty especially when he breaks wine glasses!

 

"Stop it or I'll eat you!"
"Cat stew for dinner"
"The next one of you that does ___ is getting thrown out the window"
"I'm going to release you into the wild"
"Kitty chow mien"



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My favorite is my husband's so far. A few months ago, my husband told me that if Winston ever gets onthe bed again in the middle of the night again he was going to get rid of him. I asked what happened and he said Winston got in the bed in the middle of the night and did not let him sleep and that the cat managed to push him to the edge of the bed. I asked him why didn't he just moved Winston or get him off the bed. His answer "Well, he was asleep and I did not want to bother him". Now, that is an empty threat!

 

Jetlaya, your husband's is indeed the best, LOL!

One of my yard cats is a big bully, he chases the other cats off their bowls if he thinks they might have gotten something more yummy than he did. So I always threaten him (not an empty threat at all) with what I know would be the most cruel punishment for him: stroking his head! (I've been feeding him for 4 years but he won't let me touch him)

 

Of course, our cats don't understand more than a very few actual words but they do pick up on our tone of voice. So if you're kidding around and talking silly, it's best to use a soft voice so the cat won't feel upset.

That being said, I invented "vaccucat" as a way to make bad kitties behave. If they're bad, you simply pick up the phone and call your local Vaccucat franchise, and they'll come over, stick a big vacuum nozzle in the window and vacuum up the baddest kitty, and return the cat later, the next day, all nice and mellow.

When I once posted this a few years ago in another cat forum, I got suspended for 3 days till I could persuade the mods that I really didn't have a giant vacuum hose. Some people have no sense of humor or irony. And of course, I would never lift a finger in anger to my cats, ever. Only scolding them with harsh sounding works, which always does the job.

So, yeah, I joke. But if you do, remember to never do so with a harsh tone or your cat may pick up the tone and think you're serious. They're just like little kids, as you all know.

 

The very best way to discipline cats in a non-harmful way is by using a simple squirt bottle with plain water. These are usually sold as "plant sprayers" and you of course never, never put anything in the bottle but water.

Rinse out the newly bought bottle several times, fill with water, and set the nozzle to stream instead of mist. With a bit of practice (I'm a fairly good pistol shot so that skill seems to transfer well, ha ha) I can give the bad boy a teeny squirt.

First, you say "NO!" in a strong voice, then squirt. It doesn't take long, maybe 2-3 times, before the cat learns that when it hears "No" it has to obey or will soon be wet on the rump.

So I take a felt pen and label the bottle "Bad Cat" so there's no confusion about its use.

And if the cat is being bad, I just ask, "Do you want me to get Bad Cat?" which always makes my girlfriend laugh. And of course the cat ignores me, as I'm not using my "strong" voice.

 

OMG some of these are just so funny...

katdad, I'm thinking the mere sight of any vacuum attachment would work well with one of mine - alas, she really never misbehaves (I've said it on other threads- she's not really a cat), and if she did, a slight frown on my face would be more than enough for her to stop. She's soooo skittish.

The other is seriously stubborn, so when she won't come back in from the porch, she gets "don't make me come get you" in mommy's Seriously Annoyed And Losing Patience Rapidly Voice. That almost always works.

As someone else mentioned, for kitties who don't like being touched, that can be a great way to get kitties to behave. When Margaux is sitting in my spot on the couch and won't move for me, even when I start to sit on her, brushing her will invariably get her up and moving faster than anything else.

 

brushing her will invariably get her up and moving faster than anything else.

For a moment I thought I'd found the solution to my confiscated computer chair, but alas, I remembered now that Nikita loves being brushed. :-(

 

"DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE!"

Said at 3 am when the cats are whooping it up with their toys in the next room.

 

I always do it too haha. There are a lot of ferals around by mine and I always tell Ozzy "I'm gonna put you outside, see how you like it then!" Because he is soo spoiled and ungrateful! Of course I'd never do it, I'd just feed him again and give him strokes!