I lost my dearest little Georgie girl on May 17, 2023, quite unexpectedly. She had been having problems since May 6, but I thought she would still pull through. Anyway, she seemed to be getting better on the morning of the 17th; she had gone downstairs for the first time in a while to eat. Then a few hours later, she began yowling. To make a long story short, her front right paw had gone limp. At first, they suggested surgery--followed by weekly bandage changing and sedation. But she had stage 3 kidney disease on top of it...so I began to wonder if it was worth it. What if she only lasted 2 months? Anyway, here's my open letter to her:
Georgie, it’s been nearly 4 weeks since I unexpectedly lost you on May 17, 2023. I wanted to scream when the vet suggested that euthanization was the most practical choice, given all of your issues. I wanted to scream when that needle passed through your body. I wanted to scream on the way home when I had your empty carrier in my hand. But I held it all in until I got home.
As I sat at the computer, ready for a long night of editing, I knew I wouldn’t hear your soft, familiar ker-plop, ker-plop as you headed down the stairs to munch on your dry food. I knew I wouldn’t hear you approach me at the table.
And I couldn’t bear to sleep in my bedroom that night…knowing you would not be there on your pillow, meowing as I enter the room. Knowing you would not be moving from your pillow to mine as I showered. Knowing you would not be giving me good night licks on my hand after I had turned out the lights. And that I would not feel your soft, silky body at the top of my head sometime in the middle of the night.
So I slept downstairs on the family room sofa. But even here, there were memories of you. Memories of your leaping onto the arm of the sofa, staring into my face. Memories of you standing at the open door, peering through the screen on warm summer nights. Memories of you sitting on the pillows on the armchair. Even though your brother Charlie was right by my side (yeah, I know you didn’t like him too much), the loneliness without your presence felt overwhelming.
As I got up, I suddenly heard a song I hadn’t heard in over 20 years: Leann Rimes’ “How do I live without you?” And I thought, how do I get through one night without my Georgie? When she’s been my world, my heart, my soul for 15 years, everything that’s been good in my life.
And four weeks later, I still wonder…but as they say, grief is the price of love.
