Unfortunatley some cats are just not cuddle cats, just as some people are not affectionate people. I can't help feel that if you specificaly wanted a 'type' of cat, with a particular personality then you are probably not ready for the responsibility of having a pet, especially if you are considering taking her back to the shelter. Most people get cats to enhance their lives, but you must also consider enhancing the cats lives...you can't punish them for not giving you enough cuddles. In my opinion, you made a decision to take Gloria from the shelter in order to provide her with love, a home, and affection, and it would be incredibly selfish to take her back for the reasons you specified.

It sounds like she is a perfectly normal cat who does love you...

f I go to her, I can pet her, and she likes it, purring, and stretching, and showing me her belly, which she likes to be rubbed. She will not jump on the couch to lay nexto/on top of me now. She will bring me toys so I can play with her, she likes to play, jump on her cat tree, and usually, run around at high speed for a while at night. If she is a bit sleepy, I can trim her nails with no problem on all 4 paws.

...and it sounds like you are extremley lucky to have her.

Maybe if you love her regardless and shows this to her without getting grumpy and frustrtated at her when she doesn't sit on your lap, she will learn to love you and WANT to be affectionate back...you must earn your cats trust, it is not just there regardless. Continue to play with her and pay her attention and one day she may just behave as you want her to. If not you should learn to love the other things about her that will bring you as much happiness as affection would.

Please don't punish your cat for those reasons...in my opinion it is just not justified. Good luck with her, she sounds adorable.

 

thats a beautiful cat!

You never know why she's not being cuddly, especialy coming from a shelter you dont know what the cat has been thru. Give the kitty some time, she might come along, maybe she was taught not to jump on people. You never know.
Enjoy whatever your cats personality, she'll always seem to surprise you. :wink:

 

I think that you cat sounds adoreable. I dont know whether you know much about our feline friends, but simply getting a "cuddling cat" sounds a bit mad to me, and if you dont mind me saying, a little selfish on your part.

Your cat has months and months of development ahead in a new home, and trading it in for one that satisfies all your needs... well... work it out yourself.

 

Re: thats a beautiful cat!

You never know why she's not being cuddly, especialy coming from a shelter you dont know what the cat has been thru. Give the kitty some time, she might come along, maybe she was taught not to jump on people. You never know.
Enjoy whatever your cats personality, she'll always seem to surprise you. :wink:

Thanks for your reply, nice to get one that doesn't call me selfish. I've had her for 5 weeks as of this thursday, and she has gotten less affectionate during that time. Last night, she was in the bed for 30 minutes, at most. Sometimes she jumps on the bed, walks across the pillows on to the nightstand, and jumps to the floor, and does this several times. Other times, she gets kinda crazed, and goes flying across the room, chasing something non-existant.

Other things she likes are prying open cabinet doors and walking inside. I had to tape the door under the kitchen sink shut so she wouldn't get to the cleaners/chemicals down there. There's another cabinet door by the stove she likes to crawl in. Inside the cabinet, there's a wood panel covering a space between 2 cabinets, she crawled over the panel and sat in the space for quite a while. I can't reach into that area to get her out, just had to wait for her to try to claw her way out of there. She finally did. I taped that one shut also.

I picked her up this morning, started squirming to get down after about 1 second.

When she walks by me, and I pet her, she arches her back downwards as she walks by, as if she doesn't want to be pet.

She likes playing with a crumpled-up piece of foil, sometimes will bring it back to me after I throw it. Also likes twist-ties, the ring from a milk jug, and her feather on a stick. When she's not playing, she's either looking out the window or sleeping, or just walking around.

She got outside for a few minutes a couple days ago, I had the patio door open, and the screen closed, which I've done a lot over the past 5 weeks. This time, she actively tried to get out, and she figured out she could squeeze between the glass door and the screen door, then walk towards the center of the door and get out. (Clip holding screen to track was broken, now fixed.) I let her walk around outside for a while, there's no risk of getting hit by a car, though there are at least 3 other cats out there. She crawled under a neighbors deck before I could catch her. After she came out, I picked her up and took her inside, with her squirming all the way. She tried to get out after that a few times, but just got herself squished between the screen door and glass door, and to squirm her way back inside.

I'll give her some more time, but it looks like she's progressing backwards to me.

I'm not the most experinced cat owner, but I've read a lot on this and other sites over the past couple months, and I had another cat 20 years ago that I really loved. She would knead me, sit on my lap for hours, and drool when she was happy, which was a lot of the time. (A friend had 3 cats, I took one when he moved to a place that wouln't let him have cats. 2-3 years later, he took her back cause I moved to a place that wouldn't allow cats and he had moved to a house. I only saw her once more after that, unfortunately.)

As for the comments about wanting a specific type of cat, isn't that why the good shelters/resuces put you and the cat together for a while to see if it's a good match? I'm not asking for her to be on me all the time, but somehwere between almost never and and all the time would be nice, and to be a little affectionate when I get home would be nice too.

 

I'll give her some more time, but it looks like she's progressing backwards to me.

Maybe you are just pushing too hard and she doesn't feel like she can relax? I don't feel like I called you selfish, I feel like I offered you sound advice. I just don't believe that your reasons for wanting to take her back are justified. And as for seeing whether you are a good match, it seems that the only thing stopping you both progressing is your high expectations of how she should act. I am not condeming you for wanting a cuddle cat, who doesn't, I am mearly suggesting that you allow your cat to relax; as Vanessatx pointed out you don't know what previous owners have put her through, she may have been punished precisely for wanting too much attention.

I feel that when you pick a cat from a shelter you have a duty to that cat. I could understand if she was badly behaved, but she isn't, she just doesn't live up to your expectations.

 

The situation you described is very common with shelter animals. Many times shelter animals are starved for attention so they will be very loving and cuddly at the shelter. The kitties at our shelter get plenty of attention, but that is no substitue for a loving home. Once they get home and are comfortabel and in a loving enviroment they are not so starved for attention.

When you get animals for a shelter is a luck of the draw. It is very hard to tell their personalties when they are in a shelter enviroment. There are many times we tell potential adopters that the animal is best in a single cat home or they do not get along w/ dogs, but find out later when they get to then new home this is not true.

I can't understand wanting to take an animal back to a shelter after you adopted them especially after she has been a part of my life for a month. This could be a never ending process in hopes of finding the "perfect" cat. The next cat you may get could be even less cuddly or have behaviour problems. Gloria sounds like a doll and definatley looks like one. You sound like you have found a great cat.

 

I remember when I was younger I tried to get our cat to sleep with me and be cuddly and all that, my mom wouldn't even try and the cat would love being around her. Maybe if you push it too much you might not get the results you want, from what I see she's really playful so thats a way to keep you entertained, as cats get older they start to not want to play as much and start being more cuddly.
I think you should accept the personality of your cat Im sure she loves you very much even though she doesn't show it how you would like, you can't expect a person to act how you want even less a cat. She brings toys to you so you will play with her, she needs you very much and it would be very sad if you turn her down and send her back to a shelter. Think if you where in her situation and your getting used to your new home and then suddenly you are in a shelter again, there is no way to make a cat understand that it was because she wouldn't cuddle. Poor thing just doesn't know any better.
Try loving her without expecting specific reactions back. Give her treats when she's laying close to you while you pet her, show her how good it is to be loved. 8)

 

I am not going to bash you or call you selfish. I think that has been done enough. I do think you could possibly be pushing the cat too much and that is why she is backing off and I am sure part of it is to do with the cat starting to feel at home and feeling less needy. I have 3 cats, none of them are predictably affectionate, each has their own quirks about how they like to be handled. I have always treated my cats with the respect that if they don't want to be touched or picked up I won't force it. My husband does the opposite. At this point they follow me, sleep with me, want to play with me ONLY. They really don't have much interest in my husband at all or any tolerance for him. It's pretty obvious why.

All my babies are rescue cats and have been with us for 3 to 6 months. I believe as time goes by they will become more affectionate as long as it's on their terms not mine. Give it some time, it could takes months, it could take years but really, for a rescue cat you are doing very well! Most aren't as affectionate as Gloria.

Gloria is very beautiful, congratulations on such a nice find!

 

I am not going to bash you or call you selfish. I think that has been done enough

I don't think anyone has done this at all. I don't want Mark to feel like he is being ganged up on or 'bashed', people have offered him advice. Admittedly some of it has been emotive, but if it wasn't I'd be worried that people were just going to ignore the fact that he is considering giving this cat up for the wrong reasons. NewRagDoll was right, if it's not benifiting the cat being ther then maybe it would be best, but it is only not benifiting her because she isn't being allowed time to relax and feel comfortable in her new home. Surely it's the cats best interest that should be the most imprtant here, not how much love the owner wants to recieve from her.

 

I don't think anyone has done this at all. I don't want Mark to feel like he is being ganged up on or 'bashed',

Well I am sorry but calling him selfish and telling him to give the cat up and not get another is judging someone unfairly. There are more diplomatic ways of dealing with what you don't agree with. He might have been hasty in saying he wanted to give her up, we don't know that. I always give someone the benefit of the doubt especially when it's forum related and things can come across wrong. He did adopt an older cat that came from a shelter who needed a muchly deserved home and he is here right? that is my books is a good start. He admits he doesn't have much experience with cats and that is why he is here, so we can help and hopefully try to change his point of view on the situation to see Gloria as the doll she is, not convince him that he doesn't deserve her.

 

If you've only had her four weeks, you have NO idea how she's going to end up. Relax! Give her more time. Then see what happens.

I got my three girls from a friend, whose kids weren't particularly kind to them. The eldest is 2-3 years, her eldest daughter is 1-2 years, and her baby is about 9mo. The baby was the quickest to warm up, and she occasionally curls up in our laps.

The elder sister took more than a month to let us approach her. Now, two months later, she follows me everywhere and sits beside me on the couch at all times. She WILL NOT allow me to hold her, however. (I did convince her to walk across my lap tonight. That was a big step!) I'm very proud of her, considering the fact that it took nearly two weeks to catch her in their house, as she was so terrified of being touched.

But Mommy. Oh, dearest Mommy. Don't call her; she'll call you. She doesn't tolerate being approached, and she won't come when called. Sometimes, she'll take the initiative, but it's an even guess as to whether or not she'll stay after sniffing you. Typically not. Once in a great while, she'll share the couch with me. Oddly enough, she's the only one who always comes to sleep with me, whether I'm napping or it's night time.

They all have their quirks, and they are who they are. When I try to approach Mommy, she hides and won't come out for a looong time. When I call the kitten, she turns up her tail at me. When I try to pick up big sister, she panicks. But they're all affectionate in their own ways, and they'll all continue to warm up to me, in their own time.

Lisa

 

I edited my original message to remove the comments about taking her back to the shelter. I was a bit frustrated with her when I wrote it, so it may have come across more harshly than intended.

I do think calling a poster selfish is a bit tasteless, but it's not the first time I've seen similar comments on this and other cat sites. (And pretty much all internet forums) Even if I had opted to take her back to the shelter, that's a lot better for her than what so many others might do if they were unhappy with her.

Some more info I didn't put in the original post was there was another cat (Natalie) in a cage near Gloria, who was also considered affectionate by the staff at the shelter, and let me hold her for several minutes. She was a black & white. She was also a big cat, had to be near 20#. I think the smaller ones like Gloria are cuter, so ultimately that's why I picked Gloria. And the shelter staff said she was calm even when a couple of young kids were playing with her a day or so earlier.

I mostly ignored gloria today, and she slept for a big part of it. While I was cleaning off the coffee table, and talking on the phone, she came over to investigate. She spent a few minutes on the couch near me, purring away while playing with a cable and I was petting her.

She came back to the couch when I was eating dinner there. Amazing what Salmon will do to lure a reluctant cat.

I'll just take it one day at a time with her. Meanwhile, here's a movie.:
http://members.cox.net/markz2003/gloria.avi

I had turned on the furnace fan to see if she would be freaked out by it when I start using the heat in November. (The bathroom with her litterbox is right across the hall.) She seems to think the doorstop is connected to the furnace.

 

Give it time....then make your decision.

Have you owned a cat before? If so, don't expect any two to ever be the same. We love our current two kittens, Mandi and Marli....but oh how we miss Chrissy. She was with us 13 1/2 years and so deeply ingrained in our family. We've only had the kittens a short time and are still in the early stages of building our relationships.

Yes, I have owned a cat before - 20 years ago. (I wrote that in my 2nd post) I only had her 2-3 years, and really loved her.

 

Well I am sorry but calling him selfish and telling him to give the cat up and not get another is judging someone unfairly. There are more diplomatic ways of dealing with what you don't agree with. He might have been hasty in saying he wanted to give her up, we don't know that. I always give someone the benefit of the doubt especially when it's forum related and things can come across wrong. He did adopt an older cat that came from a shelter who needed a muchly deserved home and he is here right? that is my books is a good start. He admits he doesn't have much experience with cats and that is why he is here, so we can help and hopefully try to change his point of view on the situation to see Gloria as the doll she is, not convince him that he doesn't deserve her.

Well that was never my intention, I can assure you. Re-reading my posts I can see how the advice I gave may have been lost because they were so emotive. I did not tell Mark to take her back and not get another one, and I never tried to convince him that he didn't deserve her; only that he was very lucky to have her. I just felt that it was important that I stressed to Mark how many other options there were, and also that he gave her time to settle down.

I edited my original message to remove the comments about taking her back to the shelter. I was a bit frustrated with her when I wrote it, so it may have come across more harshly than intended.

I too was just frustrated when I wrote my first few posts, and probably came across quite harsh. I am sorry Mark if I offended you, that was never my intention. I truly hope that it all works out for you both, regardless of how it is the problem is eventually solved.
I just think of all the people I know who have picked cats from the shelter, and had terrible behavioural problems with them, but perceivered and now have beautiful pets. That was my frustration.
Good luck, all the best.

 

She's so cute playing in the video, reminds me of Twinkie.

Just give it some time first. Some cats are cuddlers, some aren't. I have one of each and even the non cuddler (Twinkie) will sometimes randomly come and lie on my stomach in bed or headbutt me on the sofa....when he does choose to cuddle it's nonstop cuddling and purring and it's a bit more special b/c he doesn't do it all the time.

With Sugar, she got more cuddlier as she got older, she's almost 3 soon.....I say give it time. I don't think I could personally give back a cat after I take it in, I get attached pretty quickly.

Also maybe wear jeans when sitting on the sofa, my cats love jeans! Have snacks ready to give and if she's still not a cuddler months down the line, you can always get more cats later on to extend the cat family.

 

Markz2k: Unlike other posters here, I'm not going to flame you for being frustrated with your cat. I think you are not being selfish but rather realistic.

(rant) This kind of flaming is what is making me move away from the Cat Forum. (/rant)

People don't seem to get the concept that we didn't go to a shelter to adopt a child, we adopted an ANIMAL to make him/her OUR PET. Since you are the one investing time, money, energy AND SLEEP because of your pet, it is more than normal that you expect something in return. This is no selfish attitude at all from any realistic point of view.

Now with this said, I can tell you, to please be patient. Your story is so similar to mine with Vequi, and Gloria's pic reminds me of Vequi as well. Your new cat needs time to adjust to her location, and to trust you. Keep playing with her, but don't pressure her into being more affectionate, because it will revert back. With some patience from your part, you may be surprised one day with a more affectionate Gloria, or you will get used to her and accept her the way she is.

Now if after you have tried for a year or so, if you still don't think Gloria is enhancing your life as much as you expect, try to avoid taking her back to the shelter. Older animals are harder to adopt, and they may kill her to make room for new cats, if they find the shelter with constrained space. Instead, try to find her a home with someone that will really care, and probably with a busier lifestyle that doesn't require as much attention from their pet.

 

Well that was never my intention, I can assure you. Re-reading my posts I can see how the advice I gave may have been lost because they were so emotive. I did not tell Mark to take her back and not get another one, and I never tried to convince him that he didn't deserve her

I wasn't specifically targeting you..sorry if it came across that way.

Hey Mark, ever considered having two :lol: You may just get all you want and more, I sure do! :wink:

 

cat behavior

I found Maximus on the town one day when he was 4 or 5 mos. old and took him home with me after not finding his home. This was my first cat ever. I knew nothing about them. I've had him 5 yrs now and have learned so much. Cats are not like dogs. They just have to do their own thing. Sleep when they want to, play when they want to, etc., etc. Max has gotten more cuddly as he aged, but he's still feisty. As a matter of fact, just this morning at 6:30 while still in bed, my cat was cuddled up next to me under the arm, then decided to flip over to face me. I moved away a few inches, sensing that something was up, when he lunged at my arm. Now I have 4 really nice and red teeth scratches on my inner arm. Good ones too. He was very quick, talk about wide awake all of a sudden.
And you can't punish them, it's useless. That's how I found this forum. I would still like to know why cats will do this all of a sudden. Maybe he thinks I'm in HIS territory.

Anyway, I found a really useful book called the 'Idiots Guide to Cats.' It's not long or boring reading, just alot of helpful tips in short and to the point segments. It was very helpful to me and interesting too. I think your cat sounds great so good luck with her!

 

From your last reply with the video it seems that youre started to get used to her and you took your time to video her....I think you're gonna be just fine with Gloria . She is such a cute cat. Good luck!!!!!

 

People don't seem to get the concept that we didn't go to a shelter to adopt a child, we adopted an ANIMAL to make him/her OUR PET. Since you are the one investing time, money, energy AND SLEEP because of your pet, it is more than normal that you expect something in return. This is no selfish attitude at all from any realistic point of view.

I agree completely; I didn't want to say that in my post, but I also think that I deserve to get something beneficial out of owning a cat, considering the long-term commitment and expense involved. I also think it's better for the cat if the owner is truly happy with her. I'm not saying I'm unhappy, just that I wish she'd be more affectionate.

Now with this said, I can tell you, to please be patient. Your story is so similar to mine with Vequi, and Gloria's pic reminds me of Vequi as well. Your new cat needs time to adjust to her location, and to trust you. Keep playing with her, but don't pressure her into being more affectionate, because it will revert back. With some patience from your part, you may be surprised one day with a more affectionate Gloria, or you will get used to her and accept her the way she is.

I'm trying to be patient, but as I've mentioned before, this is a situation where Gloria was fairly affectionate in the beginning, and has become less so over time. If she gets any more comfortable, she'll ignore me completely except for food and litter-box maintenance. Last night she slept on the bed for around 30 minutes, the first week or 2 it was most of the night. I'll still give her more time, but a year seems a bit excessive.

She is still playful when she wants to be. I was on the floor in the bedroom lightly petting her when the phone rang. While I was talking she kinda playfully grabbed my foot/leg and nibbled at my foot. (I was wearing socks and sweat pants) She did that several times. If I hadn't trimmed her claws, that would have hurt. I don't want to encourage her to do that, but if I stop her, she'll probably ignore me even more.

I was out for most of the morning, when I got back she was in her cat tree, same place as when I left. Didn't pay any attention to me coming home, or when I took lunch (chicken) to the living room to eat. She sometimes comes and begs for food a little (one of the few times she'll jump on the couch) Not today, not even interested in chicken. I also got a small rawhide bone from petco, I saw here somewhere that it's good for them to chew on. Not interested.

I don't know, maybe I'll look into getting her a playmate. But I've got to find one to adopt for free, or close to it; and the next one must like to cuddle. I don't want to pay to feed 2 cats to ignore me.

 

People don't seem to get the concept that we didn't go to a shelter to adopt a child, we adopted an ANIMAL to make him/her OUR PET. Since you are the one investing time, money, energy AND SLEEP because of your pet, it is more than normal that you expect something in return. This is no selfish attitude at all from any realistic point of view.

I understand that thinking completely. If I pay for something then I expect to get what I want, but unfortunately with animals that is not the case. It is so hard to predict what their personalities will be like when you get them home.

We just adopted out a kitten of my boyfriends. At his house the kitten was the mellowest of the 5. He liked to just sit back and chill. Watch his brothers and sisters play, but never took part in it. They were all running around like crazies and he would just chill out in the beanbag. I would call him an old man. When we named him we tried to think of an “old man name”. I got a call from his new mom today and she said he is a wild boy. They can't get him to sit down. He just wants to run and play and be a normal kitten. Which in the 9 weeks that my bf’s family had him we never saw him like this.

 

Hmm... I don't know, I'm kind of afraid to post now because I don't want to tick anyone off LOL.
I'm one of those people that accepts an animal just the way it is. I find when I don't expect anything in return and I give lots of love, patience and a safe environment... when I am shown that I am loved, I appreciate it soooooo much more. Cats love us in so many different ways. Your new cat sounds remarkable and I think she deserves more time. Cats are so affected when they moved from place to place. They become very confused, sometimes sad, and sometimes untrusting. She might seem independent now but maybe she is just feeling happy and secure for the first time in her life and just wants to rule her roost? This is because of you!! Look deep within your heart before you decide to give up on her

 

She sometimes comes and begs for food a little (one of the few times she'll jump on the couch) Not today, not even interested in chicken. I also got a small rawhide bone from petco, I saw here somewhere that it's good for them to chew on. Not interested.

Mark, I really do understand your frustration; you're doing everything you can to make her feel comfortable and she just doesn't seem interested.

However, I get the feeling that now that you have identified that she seems to be growing more distant each day, you are actively looking for signs in her to show that that is true. Yesterday I spent my last £4 till next week on my cats food, even though there was hardly any food in the house for me (been a rough month!) and when I put it down they turned their noses up at me and left it. I was so angry and upset with them, but what can I do? They don't understand concepts such as money or time, but I think that when you get a cat you sign an unwritten contract with them saying you will feed them regardless and leave them alone when they are sleeping!!

You are probably now looked upon by your cat a her daddy, she plays with you and does come and sit with you...I'm not sure I understand what else it is you want from her. I know that when my moody cat comes and sits as close to me as she can I get the warmest feeling inside, because that's her way of telling me she loves me; and for me that is enough.

I think you have to make a decision; are you prepared to be patient, go along with things on her terms for a while, and see whether you grow to love her for the way she is? Because I think that if there is a doubt in your mind and you can't imagine that happening, it would probably be best to give her back before she gets comfortable and grows to love her new home, because to be taken away then, would possibly do your kitty more harm than good.

Good luck Mark

 

You are probably now looked upon by your cat a her daddy, she plays with you and does come and sit with you...I'm not sure I understand what else it is you want from her. I know that when my moody cat comes and sits as close to me as she can I get the warmest feeling inside, because that's her way of telling me she loves me; and for me that is enough.

Good luck Mark

The act of coming over to me, and sitting with me is all I'm looking for out of her. (That and coming when I call on occasion) That's what I'm not getting.

I have now had her for 5 weeks as of today, I doubt I could return her to the shelter for another even if I wanted to. At this point, all I can do is give her time, and possibly think about adopting another who IS affectionate. Since it's obvious I have no way of knowing how a cat at a shelter will behave once brought home, I'll have to find one without using a shelter, or at least one where I can learn his/her past history.

As for spending the last of your $$ on cat food, I can understand, I've been there too. When I had my other cat 20 years ago, things were very tight, I bought the generic dry food, and ran out once or twice for a day or so. While money isn't that tight today, I do still have to be pretty careful. I just hope she stays very healthy, a large vet bill would be a big problem right now.

 

Good luck with it all Mark, I would be interested to know how you get on with your cat(s!) so keep us updated. I am sorry if I came across as nasty at some points in my posts, I hope you understand that it wasn't intentional? Good luck, I hope she comes around.